Family Myths and Distortions

 

Our life is like a journey on which, as we advance, the

landscape takes on a different view from that which it

presented itself at first, and changes again, as we

come nearer.

Arthur Schopenhauer 

            Family myths and distortions serve as a smoke screen in hopes of keeping others from knowing the reality of what is really going on in our lives.  These myths and distortions are used to hide abuse and cover up specific information about relationships within the family.  You’ve heard about the families in which the woman is chasing her husband in the front yard swinging a frying pan.  Their problems are aired in public for the world to see.  However, that is not usually  the case.  There is a lot of shame associated with abuse.  I know I did not talk about what my father did to me when I was a child with anyone for the longest time. No one knew my father called me “It,” “Stupe” and “Idiot” on a regular basis along with physically abusing me. He never called me by my given name.  I had no one to turn to when these abusive episodes were occurring.  It was easier to pretend I had a nice family who enjoyed each others’ company. I thought no one else went through what I went through. 

If we tell ourselves something enough times it becomes reality.  It is important to conduct a reality check with our current situation as well as examine honestly what went on when we were children.  We need to take off the rose colored glasses. I was attending conference and the key speaker was Claudia Black. The topic addressed at the conference concerned the plight of adult children of alcoholics.  A person sitting next to me made a statement that her childhood was perfect.  Claudia Black invited anyone who believes they had the perfect childhood to come to the front of the room and that belief would be challenged.  There is no such thing as a perfect childhood.  We are imperfect beings raised by imperfect beings. Again, it is vital for us to view our past and current relationships by utilizing a honest approach. 

To begin the process of seeing our families as it really was and is, take the view from an advantageous position of an outsider and how they would view our family.  Oftentimes, when I had friends visit our family home when I was a child my parents argued, swore and their confrontations were very loud.  I would try to cover up what was going on by pretending it wasn’t happening.  How did my friend perceive what was going on?  I believe she probably thought my parents were not behaving appropriately and their behaviors were harsh and undesirable.  She probably felt sympathy for me.  The louder they got the more I tried to cover up how my parents were behaving.  My family life was a mess and it probably appeared that way to others. 

Recently, some of my cousins stated my father swore all the time after I told them I was caught putting the “F” word in a song when I was five years old.  I told them I was sitting in the back seat of our car and they should have seen the look on my parents’ faces.  I told my parents I learned that word at school.  My cousin said I probably learned it from my dad.  Talk about being in denial.  I had this idealized view of what parents were supposed to be like.  They were presumed to be kind and loving even if those perceptions were not real.  Again, we need to take off the rose colored glasses as mentioned earlier and realize we were born to parents who had to contend with their own baggage.  Some of those bags were really heavy.  My father’s parents rarely showed him any kindness and my mother was neglected and abused in multiple ways.

We need to take the time to explore our lives and the lives of our families of origin.  Here are some things to ponder:

·         Describe our families as if we were seeing our family from the perspective of someone else who lived in our community.

·         What is the true story of our families?

·         How did it feel to write the true story about our families?

·         Why do we think we felt this way?

Other aspects to consider when discovering and exposing our family’s myths

and distortions are:

·         Identifying myths and distortions.  I wanted others to believe my family was more normal than it was to the point that my denial masked and thwarted my development.  I also had a skewed view of my family and at times believed that we were the only family who had problems.

·         We need to consider who taught us these myths?  Were we permitted to talk about the problems our family was facing?

·         What was the intention of this myth?  What was it meant to accomplish? 

Who or what was the myth and distortion suppose to protect?

·         How has this myth or distortion affected our lives?  I established a pattern of getting into destructive relationships when I was younger.

·         Develop a positive outcome as a result of this myth or distortion.  For example, my self-esteem has been more enhanced due to my journey of healing and as a result I am able to have a healthier relationship will my spouse. 

There are so many families that exist in a continuum of abuse while at least one of the parents is a pillar of the community. A lot of the priests, who were written about by Podles in Sacrilege: Sexual Abuse in the Catholic Church, were pillars in the community.  Community members were aware of the honorable services they provided for the community and were not aware of their pedophile tendencies.  There have been times noted of other prominent members of communities being abusive to their own children.  In the public eye they are honored for their positions such as serving in roles of surgeons, clergy, etc.  Who is going to believe someone who is saying they have been abused by such an outstanding member of a community? I was also abused by someone who many others thought was charming and fun. I am telling you about these circumstances because at one point it may not have been safe for you to tell anyone about what was happening to you or you may not have been taken seriously; however, what is important now is you realize you have more options. 

Family myths and distortions are useful tools for hiding things we feel shame about from the rest of the world in an effort to conceal the ugly truth about our current and past relationships.  Many of us have done so to try to fit in some place away from the abusive situation.  Legislation is more readily enforced concerning child abuse, neglect and domestic violence.  No one deserves, no matter what the circumstances are, to be abused and used in sick ways.  I carried around the shame of believing I didn’t deserve any better so I chose people to have relationships with who did not have my best interests in mind.  Fortunately, my self-esteem has been enhanced enough to enable me to start making better decisions about whom I allow in my life.  And you can do the same. It is important to conduct a reality check of our current and past experiences in order to heal from these circumstances.

 

Caribou Summer

 

On September 6^th, Kathy and Jim Bricker gave an interesting presentation entitled Caribou Summer.  They provided us with information about many of the secrets that unfolded during their stay on the tundra near the Artic Circle in Canada.  Kathy and Jim explored a domain that was blessed with many forms of wildlife and plant life.  They spent an entire summer traveling by canoe to various parts of this region.  I have to commend them for their fortitude and foresight in doing so. They prepared an excellent colorful rendition of this adventure in narrative and video form. It was quite evident that they both shared a desire to learn as much as they can about the wonders nature had to offer.  A sea plane dropped them off and they were on their own until the plane was scheduled to pick them up.

They demonstrated how they prepared their food for their venture by drying fruits and vegetables and storing their food in a large cylinder type container.  The fish they caught served as the main source of their protein. There was lake trout and Artic Grayling that were plentiful.  They stored water which was used for drinking, washing their bodies, hair and clothes and preparing lots of soup.  How did they know how much they would need?  When they came across snow, they prepared snow cones with gator aid and snow. 

Caribou can weigh up to 275 pounds, and their antlers are the fastest growing material in the world, up to one inch per day. Their main form of communication is through smelling. Caribou produce specific chemicals to portray various messages such as when danger is approaching.  White wolves are considered their enemies. White wolves, which are considered our friends by Kathy and Jim and many others,  are known to help keep a healthy eco balance.  The wolves only eat the weakest and oldest of the caribou. They save the strongest to procreate and make new caribou.  Beautiful white wolves were shown in the video.  A wolf cub was calling out to his mother.  The narrators recommended respecting and honoring the territory of wolves.

Another amazing fact that Jim and Kathy portrayed was that the Grizzlies’ diet consist of 80 to 90% plant life even though they are considered carnivores.  Grizzlies need to gain at least 100 pounds to prepare them for hibernation. Jim needed to shoot a rifle to scare off a Grizzly Bear during the wee hours of the morning. Caribou need to eat up to two large bushels of leaves a day.  They are usually found foraging. Kathy and Jim told us about a lot of the plant life they discovered on their journey:  Dwarf Willows; the Artic Bumblebee flower; and the Mountain Sorrel are a few examples. 

Some of the large birds discovered in this area were Rough Legged Hawks, sandpipers, and falcons and some of the smaller birds were the Savannah Sparrow, and a medium size bird called the Parasitic Jaeger who got its name because they steal food from other birds. The bigger siblings eat the smaller siblings.  I never heard of that before with birds. 

Some of the animals they discovered besides the caribou were foxes, and the unique Muskox with their curly horns and fur that is ten times warmer than wool.  I thought I stepped back in time when I saw the picture of the Muskox.  Some of the smaller animals consisted of the Artic Ground Squirrel. There were berries available for the Inuit such as crowberries, blueberries, and rock cranberries. 

Kathy and Jim visited Nadluk Island, the only place in the world in which the inhabitants used caribou antlers to build their homes.  Were they used as tools or part of the building materials?  I wished I would have asked.  They visited an Inuit grave site and found out that they could not bury their dead so there were a lot of artifacts left on top of the ground such as human remains and the things they were laid to rest with.  Was the custom of not burying their dead because of the permafrost or due to some tradition? 

Kathy and Jim took an adventure that I could only dream taking for many reasons.  Part of it would be the vast separation I would feel from civilization and another reason would be that I have to admit my reliance on the modern conveniences.   As a result of their exploration, they have brought us into a world of exploration. 

Bird Migrations

 

On April 18, 2013 a very interesting presentation was given by Tom Allen for the Lake Superior Elders covering bird migration.  He began the presentation by describing the meaning of migration which is a periodic movement that is conducted on a regular basis.  The two reasons why migration occurs is: exploit ecological opportunities; and leave when things get bad.  Upper Michigan is desirable because of the insects which are flying protein, worms and fish.  The crows in this area also chow on other birds because I found the feathers of a seagull that was being hunted by crows in our yard and dead deer alongside the road.  The Savannah Sparrows eat bugs that are on the ground such as ants.  We get a lot of these in our yard.  Osprey build a nest at the end of our road on a tower every year, their young are born and they depart in the fall or late summer.  Our whole neighborhood watches them. A robin builds a nest under our front deck every year and hatches several eggs each summer.  Robins migrate from Ohio and are not a native bird of Michigan, even though they are our state bird.  I found out that the only bird that is native to Michigan and is only seen in Michigan is the Red winged Blackbirds. 

Tropical birds that come North, come north to mate and are only here for a short amount of time.  Blue birds travel from Ohio to come here to mate.  Some are nocturnal, feed during the day and travel at night and some only travel during the day.  Before they travel they gain a lot of weight so they can fly for long periods of time.  Fat converts to water.  Some birds fly for over 30 hours such as birds who fly over the ocean.  That’s stamina.  The Bobolink is a long distance migratory who travels from South America to North America.  They travel 12,000 miles per year and return to the same field each year. 

Mr. Allen told us about how birds know in which direction to travel.  A study was conducted in a planetarium and when the direction of the stars was changed the birds changed their direction of flight.  There have been determinations that birds use an internal sun compass and also magnet coordination.  How does someone find their way home in a snow storm?  Some people have magnet coordination, a magnetic orientation.  Other animals such as cats and dogs have managed to find their way home.  Some of the researchers believe that some birds have a sense of smell.  Land birds don’t like flying over water and water birds prefer flying over water.   

The Whitefish Point Bird Observatory has been in operation for many years.  The studies began on July 6, 1912 when Norman Wood was accompanied by his wife and daughter arrived at Whitefish Point to examine bird life.  He was sent by the University of Michigan’s Museum of Zoology.  Wood collected and catalogued specimens and gathered data on the abundance and variety of birds.  A total of 163 species was recorded over his two year study.  He began the first studies at Whitefish Point.  In 1937, Samuel Knox, a student at the University of Michigan submitted a detailed report on the hawk flight at Whitefish Point. His records indicated that he observed ten different species of raptors at the Point. Whitefish Point is one of the most important spring flight corridors for raptors in North America. The 163 species that Wood recorded has increased to over 330 today. 

At Whitefish Point the spring owl banding runs annually since 1988 and is held from 1st to the 31^st in April.  The nets that are used to trap the owls resemble the mesh of a hair net.  The owls are caught and bands are placed on them.  Two owls were reported as returning this year.  There were 99 Great Gray Owls caught this year in the nets last Friday evening when the weather was on the verge of getting nice. This has been a horrible winter.  This is the spring breeding population. 10,000 Loons were and 30,000 ducks were observed at the Point.  Fall banding of owls began in 1993 and is held from September 15 to October 31^st of each year.  Calls are broadcasted to lure the owls into the nets.  This increased the capture rate and sample size.

Israel is known to be the world authority on bird migration.  The Israeli Air Force has enrolled the Birdstrike Control Program to provide them with professional comprehensive wildlife control.  Prior to their involvement the Israeli Air Force suffered on average $10 million in damaged due to bird strikes over a nine year period, costing roughly $84 million.  They have virtually eliminated the large and medium sized birds from the airbases and have reduced the smaller bird populations by approximately 90 percent.  Israel used to serve as a main corridor for bird migration. 

The Migratory Bird Treaty of 1913 placed control of the migratory birds under federal governance.  For example, duck hunting is determined by states, duration and time of hunts can be conducted; however the federal government determines how many ducks can be hunted.  Canada and the United States work together to make determinations concerning how many ducks can be hunted.

Allen informed the audience about bird deaths.  The Renaissance Center in Detroit reported that 4,000 birds died because they flew into the lights on top of the building.  Many of the large buildings in the cities are turning off their lights at the upper levels to protect the birds.  Wind power has caused problems for birds.  There was a discussion about cats killing five million birds, feral cats.  My husband stated this is the fault of humans who don’t take care of cats.  They need to be spayed and neutered to decrease the population.  More pheasants were killed by cats then by pheasant hunters according to Allen. 

If you are interested in tracking bird migration you can follow the radar services provided by Marquette and Gaylord.  The individuals associated with these weather programs are only interested in cloud formations and other weather details; but bird migration can also be observed by using these sites.  The sounds specific birds make were recorded and when birds fly over the sounds they make determine what kind of birds they are. 

I have always been interested in observing birds and found this presentation to be very interesting. There are many books available and internet sites to explore to learn more about birds.  Now I want to visit the bird observatory at Whitefish Point.  I remember reading the sign when I visited the light house; however now my interest is sparked. 

 

Big Game Hunting

 

On February 13, 2013 Dan Donarski provided a very interesting presentation covering big game hunting for the Lake Superior Elders.  He started the presentation with telling us that hunting season lasted from July to December; however, his big game hunting company did not stay that long because it was raining too much.  They usually left by November.  The first discussion involved hunting elephants.  It was explained that elephants are nuisances. Elephants eat 200 lbs. of food and drink 180 gallons of water a day.  In Tanzania the elephants are destroying the land.  Their hunting group only shoots lone bulls, not herd ones when a question was brought up about how elephants mourn the loss of their elephant peers.

When an elephant is shot, which has to happen directly in the elephants head to reduce suffering and guarantee killing the elephant, a call goes in by short wave radio to the ranger station.  The group guards the elephant until people from a village come to strip it clean.  Nothing is wasted.  Leftovers are also given to the orphanages and prisons. An elephant can provide meat for an entire village. The hunting group pays the government for hunting licenses; however, the licenses are granted under a PAC agreement, Problem Animal Control.  Due to the U.S. Agriculture law, the group cannot bring parts of the elephant back to the U.S. except for the tusks which have to be stamped by the African government before they can leave the country. Some of the game can be sent if it is dipped and shipped in insecticide.  Game to be mounted can be brought to the U.S. if they are prepared properly.

Hunting lions is permitted in Tanzania.  The hunting group looks for lions whose noses are jet black which means they are four to six years old. The young lion’s nose is pink.  The group only hunts and kills the older lions who have strayed from the pack. It takes a pretty big gun and a lot of courage to kill a lion.  Their hunting group is permitted to hunt 6 lions per year. Believe it or not hippos kill more people more than lions do.  You can tell when an alligator killed a person because you can see no parts left from the human.  With hippos there are pieces left. 

The buffalo in Africa are the cheapest to hunt and the African government grants a lot of permits because they are so plentiful.  There are herds of 5,000 or more of the Cape Buffalo. When the hunter is hunting a buffalo they can be 50 yards from the buffalo; however, you can only be 25 yards from an elephant when you shoot the elephant.  You must be assured that you are going to hit the elephant in the right place otherwise the elephant can charge and cause a lot of damage.  Hunters have to prove that they have shooting abilities before they can go hunting. The people who live in Africa are not permitted to hunt game which I thought was amazing.  The government doesn’t want the villagers to be self-sufficient.  They want them to be reliant on hand outs to survive.

The cost of going on a hunting trip through Dan’s company to hunt in South Africa is approximately $9000 which includes air fare. This is for ten days in South Africa with two days of travel which includes hot and cold water, 3 fresh meals and shoots of 3-5 times. People also tag along to take pictures which costs $125 per day.  For hunters it is $450 for one client with one guidance and $350 for two customers with one guide.  Some of the royal party from Dubai pay for a hunting trip annually and he takes his own entourage from the United Arab Emirates.  Last year he spent approximately $150,000.  Their hunting group makes approximately 10% in profits from each customer. Customers are already booking for 2014. 

The camp in Tanzania includes tents that have thatch roofs to protect those inside from the rain. These tents are placed on large cement platforms and include showers, beds, etc.  These camps must be taken down and rebuilt each year to prevent poachers from using the camps in the off season.

The African police visit the camps to inspect the camps at least 3 times per year. The police check guns to see how many times they were fired and what type of ammunition you are using.  Laws are strict in Africa.  For example, if you lose a gun you can spend up to 20 years in jail. 

Mr. Donarski explained that the coolest animal to hunt is the leopard.  The leopard plays mind games and is the smartest animal he knows.  They know where you are and avoid those areas.  He managed to shoot a leopard after approximately 24 days. It has been known that eating part of the animal you killed is like eating part of its soul.  When he ate part of the leopard he killed he felt that he ate part of its soul and it made him feel powerful. 

The most dangerous areas to be in Africa are located in the northwest corner.  Victoria Falls for example is comprised of a lot of armed guards fighting over what appears to consist of religious undertones. Communism and the domino effect based on the Islamic faith.  There was a discussion about Christians being in the bush hiding until the time is right. Due to the corruption of some of the governmental officials, there are locations in Africa that are not safe to visit. Sounds like Mexico. 

Big game hunting excursions sound interesting and somewhat dangerous.  Snakes were mentioned, and Mr. Donarski only saw a few.  The animals who were planted where God intended are doing well.  Where humans planted them, these animals are not doing as well.  Activities, such as dam building by the U.S. and China, has also had a negative effect on the animals.  Otherwise, animals are plentiful and it is helpful to the inhabitants of Africa, especially the poor villagers that these hunts occur. 

Don't Be Discouraged (Writers' Encouragement)

 

 By Sharon Brunner

 I have been writing a book, which has had several deadlines.  The manuscript has been given to an editor and she went over it with a fine tooth comb.  However, since the time I received it back from the editor with revision suggestions, I have made additional revisions beyond what the editor suggested.  My editor also made recommendations concerning the content of my manuscript.  So it was back to the drawing board for additional research.  I kept reminding myself that with everything I do I am closer to achieving my goal, which is the completion of my book. 

Set your work aside for at least two weeks before picking it up again.  Looking at your work with fresh eyes is best.  Read your work out loud to yourself and/or others.  Have another person review your work and request honest feedback.  This is when you need to grow thick skin.  Oftentimes, you will only hear the things that need to be changed and improved and not the good things associated with your work.  It is important to stress the need to be open and receptive to comments.  Your written work has become a part of you, you have fed and nourished it and it’s difficult to let it go. 

Get your thoughts down.  It doesn’t have to be good, it has to be written. Consider your written work a child with whom you have done the best job possible with raising, and now it’s time to send your child out into the world, ready or not.  That’s how it may feel to present your work to anyone.  Nobody is perfect and everyone comes from different worldviews and viewpoints.  The latter is important to understand where the different comments may come from and having others not agreeing with what you have written.  Keep an open mind with hearing and reading all comments.  The comments may be valid and should be considered.  Also keep in mind this is your work so take what you need and leave the rest. 

Other important points to consider, does your written work flow smoothly, is it believable, and does it make sense.  Pick up your writing project and read it like it is the first time you are reading it and pretend it’s someone else’s. Remove yourself completely from any ownership you may have. I was surprised when I did this and discovered how many additional edits I needed to make. The last point I want to make is to make sure you give yourself praise.  It is vital to the entire process that you remind yourself writing is a process from the conception of your writing ideas to completion.  Every step is an important part of the writing process and every step you take gets you closer to achieving your goals. 

Barns

 

BARNS

By Sharon Brunner

Youth frolicking on bundles of hay,

Horses greeting the day with a neigh,

Cows chomping on their cuds,

Portly pigs play in the mud.

 

Honeycombs built by bees,

Dogs receiving shade from trees,

Cats stalking small mice,

Older men tossing dice.

 

A lazy hot summer day,

Horse and cow tails sway,

Mosquitoes buzzing searching,

Old tractor tiredly lurching.

 

Aroma of baked pies,

Washing scents of lye,

Crops reaching for the heavens,

Dough preparing to leaven.

 

Fat hens waddling,

Young mothers swaddling,

Enjoying soft warm rain,

Swaying rooster weather vane.

 

Linens streaked with drops,

Mother Nature feeds the crops,

Large black crows cawing,

Men with logs sawing.

 

Barns standing tall and proud,

Bells ringing sound and loud,

Breakfast, lunch or dinner,

Apple dumplings are the winner.

 

Tired bones weary,

Laughing eyes teary,

Rumbling bellies need to eat,

Many hours before sleep,

Many hours before sleep.

A Nightmarish Slumber

A Nightmarish Slumber

By Sharon Brunner

 

A lone petunia standing proudly between

a prison of weeds, relaxed, not rattled.

Weeds ruffled taunting the petunia to

give into the bellows of the tyrannical force

Pickled beyond recognition in their harshness.

 

A precocious persimmon begins its new life

on the branch of the ebony wood family,

ebony, dark, prevailing, and mysterious.

Shadows lurk amongst the dusk,

swaying long branches, hosting secrets.

 

A snake slithers in and out of the thick patch

of a pencil thin layer of dead spiders, bugs and

small rodents serving as fertilizer

for the ebony stronghold and its peers.

The snake wriggled free from the trail of death.

 

The persimmon taps the branch quietly

to warn the petunia of looming danger.

The snake is deterred by a dog, running.

The flower is rescued and reveled in its

newly found freedom amid its weed sanctuary.

 

A hand rifled through the leaves

of the ebony fortress, rests a moment.

Breaths a grateful sigh as the hand retreats,

celebrating another day on this earthly plane.

The petunia and persimmon nod knowingly.

 

Darkness blankets the grassy meadow.

Slumber interrupted by a nightmare.

A long shiny knife with jagged edges

pierces through the soft flesh,

exposing a red, asterisk center.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1.