Rebuilding Our Self-Esteem

 

“We are the children of our landscape; it dictates

behavior and even thought in the measure

to which we are responsive to it.”

Lawrence Durrell

 

One of the most mysterious jewels we possess is our self-esteem. Self-esteem is about finding our inner splendor, strengths, and talents and using them to the fullest advantage. The concept of self-esteem can be divided into three categories: 1) people with far too high a view of themselves, 2) individuals with far too low a view of themselves, and 3) those who fluctuate between the two.  An unwavering and suitable self-esteem has proven to be one of the most difficult possessions to attain and hold onto. Self-esteem is vital and serves as the energy that powers the engine of accomplishment. The more self-esteem we have, the farther we can go.

            It is important to tell ourselves that we can achieve all the goals we set for ourselves, that we are worthy, and as deserving as the next person. We need to be our own cheerleader and seek people such as a best friend who understands and supports our healing process. The word self-esteem is not a fancy catch phrase and needs to be considered pertinent to everyone’s healing. Our personal attitude about life in general is as clear to others as the clothes we wear. If we are upbeat and cheerful, we will usually be greeted with positive feedback. Our self-esteem is about finding our true selves, and is referred to as a “looking glass.” 

            The material us involves all we have that gives us synchronization, or balance and connection to the rest of the world including our family, our bodies, and our possessions. Most of us want others to view our material selves favorably. Our social self consists of the recognition and acceptance we receive from others. And our spiritual self relates to our innermost thoughts, desires, dreams, and feelings. This spiritual self has little to do with organized religion; it is associated with our relationship and know-ledge about ourselves.

            Exploring at a deeper level, we will discover that we have a public and a private self, both requiring nurturance and protection. Exploring our history, our environment, and our personal value system can be extremely enlightening. We wear many hats from being employees, spouses, friends, to filling the role of being a friend. We behave according to the role we are filling at the time. This duality can throw us off balance. Do we do what we think others want us to do? Not being our true self can cause additional stress, deplete energy, diminish honesty, and destroy our self-esteem (Sherfield, 2004).

            Saying affirmations to raise our self-esteem is useless if we haven’t made the effort to actually love ourselves. Saying we are great doesn’t cut it. We have to set goals and do things to make ourselves great. For exam-ple, we may look in the mirror and decide we are over-weight, but at the same time we tell ourselves we look fine, we do not have a weight problem. We may say things like “I am beautiful just the way I am.” Instead, we need to treat ourselves to healthy eating habits, exercise and do other things which will enhance our overall well-being.

            Develop a plan and stick with it. I am not suggesting that thinking and saying positive statements does not help us achieve healthy self-esteem. The words will not carry much meaning if we don’t place more importance on ourselves. Acquiring healthy self-esteem takes effort and we need to consider ourselves worth it (Bourne, 2005).

            I participated in a workshop about enhancing children’s self-esteem. What I learned was to not say empty phrases such as saying “nice work” when a child showed me his or her artwork. Examine the picture thoroughly and comment on the child’s use of colors and designs on the picture. After a while, children will become praise junkies because their needs are not being met when the praise is generalized and not specific to what they have done. When we give ourselves empty compliments or receive empty compliments from others, think about how this made us feel. Feeling good about ourselves is often fleeting when it comes from empty praise.  

            Striving for feeling good versus feeling right. The feeling of right means feeling authentic and real inside. People often say they haven’t felt right for a long time. The best way to find out how to feel right about our lives is to examine a time when we did feel right. Unhealthy self-esteem also invades our lives in many forms such as depression, fear, anxiety, and/or feelings of worthlessness. We can stop this invasion by recognizing when it existed in our lives. Doing things that go against our values can cause damage to our self-esteem. The down-trodden are not the only people with self-esteem issues. People with low self-esteem come from all walks of life from doctors to construction workers. 

           

            People with self-esteem issues may exhibit the following behaviors:

 

·         Act immature and have poor relationship skills.

·         Engage in self-destructive behaviors.

·         Criticize themselves and others constantly.

·         Act superior and brag often.

·         Avoid uncomfortable situations.

·         Enjoy the pain others are experiencing.

·         Sacrifice their own identity to fit in with others.

·         Overreact when criticized.

·         Fly off the handle easily.

·         Concentrate mainly on failures, and weaknesses.

·         Be devastated by simple mistakes.

·         Pressure people and become overbearing.

·         Lack adequate resources to handle personal needs (Sherfield, 2004).

 

Keeping negative behaviors in check is another way of managing and enhancing our self-esteem. People suf-fering from low self-esteem tend to develop obsessive and addictive behaviors such as overeating, and substance abuse. When we are trying to establish peace within our-selves, it could be easy to turn to things that provide us with a way to forget our problems.

We can effectively communicate our own self-confidence to others to enhance our self-esteem in four ways: 1) how we look, 2) how we act, 3) what we say, and 4) what we do.  Good posture, clean appearance, a relaxed disposition, and a pleasant attitude communicate confi-dence. Eye contact while speaking expresses confidence as well as a firm handshake. What we do or fail to do speak volumes about our character. We need to follow through with what we promise to do (Sherfield, 2004).

When we know the answers to the questions we may be asked we need to give the answers clearly and with self-assurance. A moment to compose our thoughts can be a moment of reflective silence. We don’t have to be afraid to admit we need a little time to check out a fact, to dwell over a decision, or to consider a circumstance from a new vantage point. Admitting a lack of sufficient information expressed in the right way, without embarrassment, can convey to others self-confidence. If we want others to believe in us, we have to believe in ourselves. 

 

Healthy self-esteem can be obtained through the following ten steps:

 

·         Know ourselves.

·         Understand what makes us feel great.

·         Recognize things that get us down.

·         Set goals to achieve what we want.

·         Develop trusting relationships.

·         Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

·         Stand up for our beliefs and values.

·         Help someone else.

·         Take responsibility for our own actions.

·         Take good care of four selves: physical, intel-lecttual, spiritual, and emotional (Sherfield, 2004).

 

“Ninety percent of the world’s woe comes from people not

knowing themselves, their abilities, their frailties, and

even their real virtues. Most of us go almost all the way

through life as complete strangers to ourselves.”

Sydney Harris

 

            Positive feelings of self-worth represent a healthy way in which we view ourselves as valuable individuals. Humility is considered an asset, while being confident is often viewed as a fault. What we believe about ourselves and our abilities serves as a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we continue to tell ourselves we are worthless, our actions will follow suit. By raising our opinion of ourselves, we will accomplish so much more. We will end up contributing more to our communities and households and experience more life satisfaction.

            Native American people were beaten down so much for centuries by acts of genocide, assimilation, discrimination, and acculturation that our self-worth is often residing in the very depths of our souls. Many of us will need a crowbar to unlock that treasure. What did the history of our parents and grandparents do to our feelings of self-worth? We can obtain feelings of positive self-worth when we honor ourselves with self-love. If we love ourselves for who we are with all our gifts, faults and other nuances, we will tap into our valuable self-worth. 

 

            If we are experiencing feelings of low self-esteem we may:

 

·         Come from a troubled and dysfunctional family.

·         Blame ourselves for everything.

·         Fear rejection.

·         Have a lot of “shoulds.”

·         Feel ashamed of who we are.

·         Think we are not good enough.

·         Feel as if we are different from the rest of the world.

·         Reject compliments or praise.

·         Feel depressed because of a lack of praise and compliments.

·         Take things personally.

·         Have been victims of sexual, emotional or physical abuse, neglect, abandonment, or substance abuse.

·         Pick on ourselves constantly about the way we think, look, feel and act. 

·         Tell ourselves we can’t do anything right.

·         Be afraid of making mistakes.

·         Expect ourselves to do everything perfectly.

·         Feel a lot of guilt.

·         Feel guilty when we spend money on ourselves or do fun things for ourselves (Sherfield, 2004).

 

           

            Conversely, how do we know if we love ourselves?  The following represent signs of self-love:

 

·         We start making time for ourselves.

·         We set up boundaries to protect ourselves.

·         We forgive ourselves, not just for trivial mistakes, but for larger mistakes.

·         We let go of unrealistic expectations of ourselves and feel good about what we have already accomplished.

·         We find one thing to do every day that makes us happy even if it is brief such as smelling a flower.

·         We take a moment to breathe deeply and pay attention to our breath.

·         When we hear ourselves thinking something de-meaning about ourselves, we practice thought stopping, and develop thoughts which are more compassionate (Sherfield, 2004).

 

It is difficult to love thy neighbor when we don’t love ourselves. We need to tell ourselves daily that we love ourselves and practice thinking kind thoughts on a regular basis to rebuild our self-esteem. It is okay to love ourselves and place importance on ourselves. Self-love is a necessary component to maintaining healthy relation-ships with anyone including ourselves.

 

We need to take a good look at ourselves in the bathroom mirror and say one of the following things to our-selves daily:

 

·         “I’m strong and attractive and I like what I see.”

·         “I deserve to have a great life.”

·         “I enjoy being me.”

·         “I am confident in myself and my abilities” (Copeland and Harris, 2000).

 

We need to focus on our strengths instead of focus-ing on our faults and shortcomings. Paying attention to the latter can destroy any amount of joy we may have. Our strengths are the very qualities which could make us look our best, yet we may try to describe our strengths by making them sound like they are deficits in our character. For example we may say something like this “my weakness is that I care too much.”  We do so, to put a positive spin on whom we are and get the validation we are seeking by presenting ourselves to the outside world in a humble manner, humility is the key to being accepted by others. Our strengths are defined by what we actually do and need to be considered when we are trying to enhance our feelings of self-esteem. They are the things we do on a regular basis. To discover our strengths use the following guidelines consisting of these basic ingredients:

 

·         Explore our talents, such as empathy, assertiveness, or competitiveness. Since we often take our talents for granted, step back and put a label on our talents. These talents are things we were born with and they stayed with us. 

·         Examine our skills which are things we developed during our lives and are not innate. They were learned abilities.

·         Discover our personal knowledge which is learned and developed through experience and formal learn-ing activities such as reading and learning from others (Buckingham and Clifton, 2001). 

 

            When we put these ingredients together we can gain an understanding about our strengths. Let’s say we are an advocate for people who have been diagnosed with a dis-ability. Our assertiveness allows us to be able to secure services for our clients, our communication skills permit us to convey what our client’s needs are, and our knowledge of what services are available permits us to make decisions that are in the best interest of our client. 

            Another example may be talents consisting of our ability to be empathetic if we work as a day care provider for young children. Our empathetic abilities give us the capability of understanding what the children under our care need. Because of our skills we are able to provide activities which will enhance the engagement of the children in play time activities and our knowledge of child development will enhance their learning experiences and provide them with a safe environment.

            When we begin to describe our strengths, examine activities we have felt most successful accomplishing. Defining the ingredients in this manner demonstrates what comes naturally and what is learnable. To capture a full understanding of our strengths, we are going to have to go beyond the generic labels and explore how the actual activities make us feel by the use of four signs: success; instincts; growth; and needs. We will need to take the following steps by paying close attention to our feelings before, during, and after our weekly activities.

            When did we feel successful at accomplishing our goals? To examine our instincts, we need to explore what we find ourselves looking forward to doing. What activities create the most positive growth for us?  The instinct sign refers to how we feel before we did the activity; growth refers to how we felt during the activity, conversely the need sign refers to how we felt right after we have done the activity. We may really feel good after doing the activity and we want to experience that feeling again (Buckingham and Clifton, 2001). 

A person lacking internal feelings of self-esteem feels a need for continuous validation, the greater the lack of self-worth, the greater the need for validation. If we have confidence in ourselves, we will gain respect from others. It is so necessary that we demonstrate this confidence for the sake of our children and grandchildren. They need for us to believe in ourselves so that we can guide them to the right paths to take and so they will take us seriously. Confidence is a way of behaving that doesn’t happen automatically. It occurs because we have learned how to nurture ourselves with self-talk that promotes confidence. It exists when we have learned to speak from belief rather than doubt, from uniqueness rather than conformity.

We need to examine our self-talk and ask is it full of doubt?  Remember our self-talk influences our behaviors and the outcome of any given situation. If we want to take on a leadership role, we need to have a higher level of confidence and feelings of self-worth. We can do so by thinking about all the things we can do right. Start small and think about how well we make our bed in the morning or how well we cook eggs. Then move onto the bigger things such as our job related skills. 

             A person who suffers from a low level of self-esteem will feel as if they will lose something if they give honor to others. Test those waters and see how comfortable you are with complimenting others. Does it come naturally or is it a struggle for you to do so. The compliment must come from the heart and not be superficial. We need to rehearse truly complimenting others before trying it out on actual people if it is not a common practice for us. Others can sense when we are not being genuine and that will damage our credibility. 

            A lot of people believe that since their self-worth was based on their early years concerning how their parents, teachers, and friends treated them, they can do little to change their feelings of self-esteem. It is true that our feelings of self-worth were often determined by our pasts. This can be changed. How we judge ourselves is what really counts. It really doesn’t matter what others may think about us. Low feelings of self-worth are based on mistaken ideas and we all have the ability to change these notions. When looking back at negative experiences think about how we would have dealt with those situations if we would have had a positive, confident attitude.  Don’t look back with regret. Rewriting our past history will have a powerful effect on our future. 

Self-esteem is not a figment of our imagination, it can seem abstract, but it is not. Look inside ourselves to see the real us. Explore and practice meaningful spirituality. Do not do things that go against our own personal values and do not give ourselves meaningless compliments. Develop goals and work towards them. Review the checklist of behaviors which are associated with self-esteem issues and see what ones we believe we are practicing and work on those issues. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when we are struggling with obtaining our goals. Self-esteem is about enhancing our inner strengths and using them to our fullest advantage.

 

 

 

 

Discovering Life Satisfaction Through Volunteering

 

“Everyone has a purpose in life… a unique gift or

special talent to give others.  And when we blend this

unique talent with service to others, we experience

the ecstasy and exultation of our own spirit,

which is the ultimate goal of all goals.”

Deepak Chopra

 

Strong, healthy communities are built by everyone doing their part to make the community successful.  At the same time we can reap the benefits derived from volunteering. Studies have shown that people who volunteer are more satisfied with their lives. Even if we are struggling with unresolved trauma, it is extremely therapeutic to help others. Volunteering removes us from getting caught up in the thoughts and actions that may be causing us grief. Most of us are busy with families and jobs; but we can take the time to make a difference. Perhaps volunteer activities can be conducted with loved ones as a way of spending time with them. When we help someone else find something to smile about, our whole world will get a little bit brighter.

 

            Tips for Getting Started with Volunteering:

 

            First we need to ask ourselves if there is something we want to do, to learn more about and are there positive changes we want to make for our communities. We can start our preparation for volunteering by asking what we want to accomplish by exploring the following options:

 

·         Make improvement to our environment. This may involve garbage pick up on the streets by our homes or volunteering in scouting.

·         Meet interesting people.

·         Try something new.

·         Do something we are good at. Perhaps we are good at organizing so we can help with organizing some fundraising events.

·         Explore a type of work we may seek as a full time job at a later date.

·         Explore our interests and hobbies. We may like to be artistic so we may volunteer to help elders or disabled individuals with art projects.

·         To see a different way of life and new places. Perhaps we could volunteer at home-less shelter (HelpGuide, 2016) 

 

The best way to begin our volunteer experience is to match our personality and interests with the volunteer activities that are available. There are a multitude of volunteer opportunities available in every community. The key is to find the activity we are capable of doing and would enjoy doing. It is also important that our commitment matches the organization’s needs.

 

We need to ask ourselves the following questions:

 

·         What skills can we bring to the organi-zation?

·         How much responsibility are we willing or can  take on?

·         What causes are important to us? 

·         How much time are we willing to commit?

·         Do we want to be behind the scenes or in a more visible role (Block, 2009)?

 

            A whole host of advantages are associated with volunteering:

 

·         Volunteering connects us with others and we may make new friends and contacts. One of the best known benefits of volunteering is the positive impact on the community. We meet all kinds of people and can experience a sense of belonging. It’s a two-way street. It can benefit us and our family as much as the cause we are helping. Our social skills will be boosted along with an enhancement of our social and support network. We are exposed to people with similar interests, community resources, and fulfilling experiences.

·         Volunteering is good for our minds and bodies. 

o   Volunteering increases self-confidence, self-esteem and life satisfaction. When we are doing good things for others and the com-munity, we are providing ourselves with a sense of accomplishment. We are provided with a sense of pride and identity. The better we feel about ourselves, the more we will have a positive view of our lives and what lies in our future. 

o   Volunteering can combat depression. A key negative component of depression is social isolation. With volunteering, we are in con-tact with others and it may help us develop a support system. This in turn can protect us from additional harmful stress during challenging times.

o   Volunteering may help us stay or get phy-sically fit. Studies have demonstrated that those who volunteer have a lower mortality rate than those who do not.  Volunteering has also been shown to lessen the symptoms of chronic pain and heart disease. We need to get off the couch, away from the television and out into the world. 

o   Volunteering as a family can have a whole host of benefits. Children watch what adults do and if we are involved in the community and helping others, they may be more likely to follow in our footsteps. We can demon-strate how our efforts to help others and the community are worthwhile and makes a dif-ference. It is a way to enact change. It is also a great way to get to know about community resources and expand our family’s connec-tions within the community.

·         We are provided opportunities to learn or develop new skills. We may discover something we are really good at and we may develop a new skill. It is never too late to learn new skills and learning needs to be ongoing throughout our lifetime. Planning and implementing a fundraising event can develop our goal setting, budgeting, and planning skills. Supervising and training other volunteers may assist us with developing supervisory and training skills.  Painting a mural or making posters or banners to advertise community events may lead us to discover our artistic abilities. Volunteering may enhance these important skills: problem solving; communication; teamwork; project planning; task management; and organization. 

·         Volunteering has the potential of enhancing our career opportunities. All the skills mentioned above can lead to being a better employee for any organi-zation and to top things off we will possibly get our foot in the door with specific organizations. Organizations will recognize our talents and willingness to be a part of a team and may consider us for positions within their organizations.

·         Volunteering brings fun and fulfillment to our lives. It provides us with a way to explore our interests and passions. Volunteering can afford us with oppor-tunities to get a break from the day-to-day responsi-bilities and can give us a chance to renew or rekindle our creativity, motivation, and vision that can spill over into our personal and professional life. People with a desk job may volunteer to help main-tain a hiking trail in order to give them an opportunity to get outside (HelpGuide, 2016).

 

Most of us have busy lives; but we need to do our part for our communities. The benefits of volunteering are colossal.  We may meet a lot of great people because of our volunteer activities and there may be so many times in which we may feel our assistance has been needed. We can learn a lot, also. We all have time we can spare.  By turning off the television for a few extra hours a week or other ways in which we are wasting time, we can do so much more for ourselves and our communities.  

 

 

5 Ways to be Happier Now

 Wherever we’re at, there's always room, and reason, to shoot for a little more happiness.

“Here are five ways to reengage and find more joy in life:

1. Count your blessings

Research has consistently shown that people who practice gratitude have a lower risk of depression, higher levels of relationship satisfaction and greater resilience in the face of stressful events, says psychologist Acacia Parks, chief scientist at Happify Health. She recommends that you take five minutes at the end of each day to write about three things that happened to you that were good. Research shows that if you do this exercise every day for just one week, you can experience an increase in happiness for at least six months. “Our brains are wired to give extra attention to the negative,” explains Parks. “But if you purposefully focus on positive things, you'll automatically begin to notice all of the good around you, instead of dwelling on the bad.” Nightly gratitude lists have the added benefit of helping you doze off happily — which may lead to better sleep quality as well, she adds.

2. Take a hike

Just the very act of being outdoors impacts your mood, says Sonja Lyubomirsky, distinguished professor and vice chair, Department of Psychology, University of California, Riverside. A 2014 Japanese study found that people who walked in a forest for 15 minutes had lower heart rates and reported better moods and lower anxiety than those who did a similar walk in an urban environment. “There's something about being in nature that lowers blood pressure and heart rate, and reduces stress hormones,” Lyubomirsky explains. You don't even need to hoof it to a forest. You can get many of the same benefits by exploring a quieter part of your neighborhood, she adds. Experts also recommend trying walking meditation: Focus on the sensation of your breath as it moves in and out of your body, or the feeling of your feet touching the ground. If your mind wanders, bring it back to focus on one of those sensations.

 

3. Master a new skill

Whether it's taking up golf or signing up for a virtual language class, you'll reap happiness benefits by stretching yourself to try new things. When people focus on tasks that built their skill set, the stress they feel at first tends to yield increased happiness in the long term, according to a study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies. “During the pandemic, a lot of our goals were put on hold — now is the time to pursue them,” says Lyubomirsky, who recommends pursuing something “challenging enough to get you out of your comfort zone, but not so complex you give up in frustration.” You can also try simply planning a vacation to a new locale, visiting a museum once a month, or regularly attending outdoor concerts. A study published in the Review of General Psychology found that people who engage in a variety of experiences are more likely to feel positive emotions, including happiness.

4. Volunteer

Older adults who volunteer for two to three hours a week report less depression, better overall health and longer lives than those who don't, according to a 2014 study published in the journal Psychological Bulletin. Experts say you'll get the biggest lift from something you do regularly, at which you make social connections and invest your time and skills. If you're not yet fully vaccinated, there are plenty of opportunities available online, says Rabin. You can find opportunities near you at Volunteer Match. Or simply sprinkle little acts of kindness throughout your week, says Lyubomirsky. “Anything that you do — whether it's grocery shopping for someone still afraid to venture out, or assisting a neighbor's child with remote learning — reaps happiness benefits,” she says.

5. Savor the moment

The more time you spend thinking about the good stuff from the past, present and future, the happier you will feel. “It's about being mindful and lingering on the positive exper-iences of your lives,” says Parks. “It doesn't just create positive feelings — it amplifies them and makes them last longer.” One easy way to do this, she says, is to take a minute or two every day to really focus on what you're doing, especially if it's an activity you usually do without thinking. “Most of us mostly zone out in the shower, but if you take a few minutes to think about how nice the water feels on your skin, and how good it feels to get clean, it really brings you into the present moment,” she says. When you sit down to a meal, bring all your senses to the table and concentrate on how the food feels in your mouth, or its smell. Research shows that people who practiced these techniques for 30 days reported more happiness” (Livine, 2021).

Source:https://www.aarp.org/health/healthy-livinginfo-2021/how-to-be-happy.htm?cmp=EMC-DSO-NLC-RSS-

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Historical Trauma

 

“The greater the difficulty,

the greater the victory.”

Cicero

The negative impact of historical trauma is still resonating with many Native Americans today.  A multitude of Indian people suffer from a whole host of social ills such as higher rates of domestic violence, depression along with other mental health issues, poverty, domestic violence, and sub-stance abuse, more than any other ethnic group in this country. Historical trauma is an accumulation of traumatic experiences which have made a negative impact for multiple generations of Indian people occurring over a long period of time. For over 500 years, physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological genocide was inflicted on the Native American people.

            Soon after European contact, a period referred to as “cultural transition” occurred and Native Americans were stripped of their social power and cultural authority. As soon as they realized they could not escape the catastrophic events inflicted upon them, they began to adopt “giving up” behavioral patterns. They withdrew socially, which in turn lessened their social and psycho-logical investment in all their relationships, personal and with their communities.

            As a result of the cultural and social disruption, they engaged in destructive behaviors, social alienation and developed serious psychological problems, such as alcohol-lism, drug addiction, and other forms of displaced re-enactments of conflict. These disparaging behaviors were acquired during the cultural transition period and later during the boarding school period leaving a legacy of recurring dysfunction and disturbing behavioral patterns associated with cultural disruption due to acts of genocide and dis-crimination. 

            Imagine the difficulty many children faced when they were forced to attend the Indian boarding schools.  Many of these children were sexually, emotionally, spiritually, and physically abused. The overall damage in-flicted on the children was tremendous. Native Americans, who were forced to attend boarding schools and/or reside on reservations, were taught that what hap-pened to them was their fault. They were led to believe they deserved to be abused and many have lost the ability to trust themselves or others. Because they had no place to turn for safety, their sense of hopelessness grew over time. 

 

            Historical trauma occurred in six phases:

 

·         The first contact with the Europeans which led to a life filled with shock, genocide, no time for grief and then the colonization period which introduced disease and alcoholism.  

·         The second phase was economic competition between various tribes and their European invaders over resources during the fur trading era and the introduction to a market based economy. There were physical and spiritual losses experienced dur-ing this time period for the Indian people.

·         The European invasion continued involving a war period which included extermination and refugee associated problems.

·         Next was a conquest and reservation period which consisted of forced dependency on their oppressors and a lack of security.

·         The boarding school era destroyed family systems which involved physical assaults, and sexual abuse, along with prohibition of Native languages, spirituality, and cultural associations. The lasting effect includes individuals poorly prepared for parenting their own children. Many Native American people also experienced identity confusion.

·         The final phase of historical trauma consisted of forced relocation to reservations and a termination period, a period when federally recognized tribal nation status for a multitude of tribes was abolished along with the services associated with this status such as food assistance. Many Native Americans perished due to a lack of food and medical services. There was continued prohibition of religious freedom, racism and dis-crimination, being viewed as second class citizens to the rest of the population and a loss of a supportive governmental system and a sense of belonging to a community (Eyaa-Keen Centre, Inc., 2003).

 

            The following characteristics represent some of the detrimental effects of historical trauma:

 

·         Helplessness

·         Injustice

·         A lack of trust

·         Feelings of insufficiency

·         Toxic shame

·         Chronic guilt

·         Feelings of brokenness

·         A lack of healthy boundaries

·         Persistent confusion and frustration

·         Isolation and avoidance

·         Self loathing

·         Impulse control involving alcohol, drugs, eating, and/or spending

·         Maladjusted anger feelings

·         Unhappiness and dissatisfaction

·         Anxiety disorders, such as Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder  

·         Poor communication skills (Stout and Kipling, 2003)

 

The Native Americans’ cultural development was severely disrupted by Christianity and later on by not knowing how to get it back. Today, we experience glimpses of our cultural identity through exposure to events such as Pow Wows and other traditional cultural events, a rare occurrence for far too many. Many of the Indian children who attended the boarding schools came from different tribal groups. However, they were placed in these institutions and treated like they were all the same. Many of these children came from distinctly different Native American cultures. Oftentimes, they did not even share the same native language. The differences created barriers to establishing a sense of connectedness while attending these institutions. Language in itself is a very important means of communi-cation with others. The ability to communicate in one’s own language as well as the shared commonality of cultural practices was taken away from a multitude of Native American people; thus, creating serious cultural disturbance.

 

Cultural disruption has created conditions of:

 

·         Loss of faith and spiritual beliefs

·         Internalized stereotypes

·         Surviving instead of thriving

·         Cultural isolation

·         Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and other anxiety issues

·         Depression (Stout and Kipling, 2003).

 

Intergenerational impacts involved a multitude of circumstances such as when the British and French pursued a vast amount of the North American territory and its resources which in turn instilled further rivalry between opposing tribes due to the shrinking of resources. During the fur trading era the relationship between the European entrepreneurs and the Indians occurred under a drunken haze brought on by alcohol for the unsuspecting tribal people. A drunken Indian was easier to steal from and use than a sober one. Indian children were taken from their parents and communities and placed in cruel and unyielding institutions referred to as boarding schools.  Meanwhile, spiritual practices were outlawed so what did the parents of these children do, they turned to alcohol for their source of comfort.

            Acute traumatic events can occur almost anywhere at any time, such as car accidents and natural disasters. Conversely, chronic, long-term trauma occurs only in circumstances of captivity in which the victim or victims are held prisoner. Think about the Native American people who were sequestered to reservations and placed in boarding schools. The children who were forced to attend boarding schools were punished severely if they ran away. As mentioned earlier, physical, psychological and sexual abuse occurred at these institutions on a regular basis. 

            The captivity of the children in the boarding schools set up a situation of prolonged contact with the perpetrators creating a special kind of relationship, one based on coercion. The psychological damage of subordination to coercive control has common features such as diminished self-esteem and depression. The perpetrators such as those in authority at the boarding schools and those placed in control of carrying out the reservation legislation became the most powerful people in the lives of the Indian people. The mindset of the victims is shaped by the beliefs and actions of the perpetrators. Often little is known about what is behind the beliefs and actions of the perpetrator. However, one common denominator is the perpetrators believe they are free from assuming any fault concerning any of their wrongdoings. They place blame of any problems or issues they are facing on the victims. 

One of the most disturbing discoveries was that often the perpetrators appear to be normal to the rest of the world, beyond the abusive environment even though the pathology practiced by the perpetrators was awful. Many sources  portrayed perpetrators in prominent positions such as doctors and lawyers. The pedophile priests often appear in the limelight due to their public acts of generosity and good will. An idea deeply troubling to most people. For example; Adolf Eichmann during Hitler’s reign committed heinous crimes against humanity; however, a dozen psychiatrists diagnosed him as normal. Eichmann served as the main drive behind the holocaust. He organized and managed the arrangements for the deportation of many Jewish people to ghettos and extermination camps.

The perpetrators are often paranoid, and experience feelings of grandiosity, feeling as if they can possess and conquer the world. They are aware of the realities of power and social norms so they can fit in without being noticed. The perpetrators seek out situations in which tyrannical behaviors are tolerated, condoned and/or admired. Hitler set the stage for domination of the Jewish people so I imagine Eichmann’s behaviors were admired by Hitler and Hitler’s devoted followers. The abusive individuals at the boarding schools were able to treat the children as if they were objects undeserving of respect. No one stopped them. 

Recently some of the Catholic pedophile priests have been punished for their heinous acts. Many of those who ran the prisoner of war camps and inflicted harsh treatment on the prisoners had to answer for their crimes. What about the people who wielded the harsh treatment on the children at the boarding schools? The government made a formal apology for the treatment of the children who attended the residential schools in Canada. There has been no acknowledgement in the United States concerning the harmful acts wielded upon the Native Americans due to the implementation of reservations and boarding schools.

The perpetrators often demand from their victims respect, gratitude, and sometimes love.  For example, the pedophile nuns at the Holy Childhood Boarding School in Harbor Springs, Michigan, would often create a simulated loving situation with the boys they were having sexual contact with. They would treat the boys as if they were in love with them. Their advances would begin with kissing the boys and then they would bring these boys to their bed-rooms to perform sexual acts. Many of the boys felt aban-doned when the nuns moved onto other boys.

One of the first goals of the perpetrators is to enslave the victim(s). They do so by controlling all aspects of the victim’s life. But simple obedience demonstrated by the victim is not enough, they move towards gaining the victim’s validation and/or they humiliate the victim in some way. The perpetrators use the victim’s feelings of shame to gain even more control over them. Often the victims live in constant fear. The children were shown what it was like to not be compliant by observing other children being physically and emotionally abused in front of them at the boarding schools. They were punished severely in front of their peers if they ran away from these cruel institutions. Many of these children were also punished harshly if they were caught speaking their native language. 

The children were often underfed at the boarding schools and a common punishment involved sending chil-dren to bed without dinner. This control resulted in physical debilitation through starvation.  Along with being hungry most of the time, the children were forced to work extremely hard at the schools. They were expected to clean, cook, maintain the grounds, farm, other miscellaneous duties and were expected to also attend school instruction for a few hours a day. They were exhausted, hungry, and abused. 

Research has been conducted concerning the aftereffects of the trauma faced by veterans of war. The studies involved how the trauma faced by these veterans effect their offspring.  There have been discoveries that the cells within the bodies of the veterans and their offspring contain the memories of the trauma of being on active duty.  Many of the Native American people today are obese and as a result have been diagnosed with diabetes. Could this be the result of their grandparents’ and parents’ starvation when they attended the boarding schools or when they faced starvation on the reservations? We often overeat if we don’t have a good relationship with food. If food was scarce for our parents and/or grandparents, we may take on the scarcity way of thinking which was passed down from one generation to the next and as a result overeat. The higher levels of obesity within the Native American population may be attributed to the quality of food many can afford.

Depression, a result of historical trauma which exists for a multitude of Native Americans, is a common response to oppression. Oppression is the result of an imbalance of power in relationships. Depression equates to a discrepancy in interpersonal relationships and also creates a chemical imbalance. Depression is anger turned inward and it represents unaddressed anger. In other words, depression has arisen in situations in which anger and aggression was suppressed due to fear. A double edged sword is generated consisting of suppression of anger and aggression coupled with chronic resentment. This dilemma contributes to internal stress as well as adding to relationship conflicts that in the end fosters additional stress. 

Oppression is usually evident in abusive inter-personal relationships such as the relationship between the white settlers and Native Americans throughout history; however, an extreme accumulation of stress can also become oppressive, which in turn can lead to a response of defeat. We can feel trapped after experiencing situations that feel inescapable, not just physically but also psychologically. The intrusive symptoms of painful memories and strong emotions can contribute to a sense of oppression. It is possible to have an oppressive relationship with ourselves as a result of past destructive treatment. We may be the target of our own anger, harsh criticism, and unrealistic demands, adopting a defeated and indignant relationship with our-selves. A whole host of problems can result from self-inflicted oppression as well as from the oppression imposed by others.

            The past of Indian children involved censored and restricted communication while they attended the boarding schools. The children were forced to remain quiet and stare straight ahead while they were in school. They developed a method of communicating with their eyes when outside of the classroom. They could speak volumes with eye contact amongst their fellow peers.  Again, these children were punished, often severely, if they spoke their native language. Speaking became a privilege which could not be practiced for much of the day and into the evening, when they were working on their homework or completing chores. Their communication with their parents through letters was censored. Many Native American people may suffer from vast communication barriers today as a result of Historical Trauma. 

            If Indian children were forced to attend the boarding schools for long periods of time, they discovered that communication with their families of origin was difficult to impossible when they were finally permitted to return to their homes. Trust was one of the main reasons why communication was difficult with their families. They were strangers to their families because they were brainwashed into being something they were not, Euro-American replicas and because of their long stay at these institutions away from their families. Their parents and siblings, who did not have the misfortune of attending these institutions, were worlds apart. These children spoke differently, and often their appearance was dissimilar from the rest of their family. They soon discovered they did not fit with their families of origin, usually shortly after moving back home. Thus, many Native American families were torn apart literally. Living on the fringe of both cultural groups and in the effort to belong somewhere they would participate in activities which brought them even more shame and feelings of despair. All feelings attributed to historical trauma.

Historical trauma has taken its toll on many Native Americans. The weapons of mass destruction against the Indian people for centuries have been; but are not limited to: small pox infestations and other acts of genocide; the introduction of alcohol; broken treaties; forced attendance at boarding schools; enforcement of reservation legislation; and mass sterilization.  It is difficult to determine which losses hurt the Native American people the most. With the vast amount of discrimination, it would be amazing if Indian people have any self-esteem at all. To make matters worse when things are in disarray for Native Americans, blame has often been placed on the victims.