Getting the Behavior You Want from Your Dog

Getting the Behavior You Want from Your Dog

Do you have a dog who’s a bit, um, unruly? Or too rambunctious for his own good? All dogs benefit from learning how to behave appropriately when sharing space and time with their human family members and animal friends. Dogs aren’t born knowing how to interact politely, so you’ll need to teach your dog the basics of good manners using positive reinforcement training techniques.

Here are some basic cues every dog should know and be able to respond to consistently:

·         Come. This cue involves name recognition and getting your dog to come when called. When teaching recall, be aware of the tone of voice you use. We humans often call our dogs with an unhappy or stern tone, which makes our furry friends less motivated to come to us. Also, calling a dog to come often means that whatever fun thing the dog is doing is about to stop. You want your dog to associate good things with running to you, so practice the following daily: Using a happy tone, call your dog and when she comes, reward her with a treat or a pet, and then let her go.

·         Sit. Dogs cannot jump up and sit at the same time, so teaching your dog to sit can eliminate jumping-up behavior A sitting position is a great way for your dog to greet new people.

·         Down. Teach your dog to lie down all the way, with elbows on the floor. As you “sit,” the cue “down” can stop jumping –up behavior by replacing it. “Down” also teaches self-control.

·         Stand. This cue is used for grooming, and inspecting lumps and bumps. You can use “wait” with a stand position.

·         Wait. The cues “wait” and “stay” teach your dog patience and self-control. “Wait” involves a brief wait. In a sit, stand or down position, ask your dog to wait for food, wait to have a leash clipped on her collar, wait while you go in and out of doorways.

·         Stay. The “stay” cue is used for longer waiting periods. If you don’t want a dog to move, it’s best to ask her to stay in a down position, since other positions may become uncomfortable for her to hold. Teach “stay” on a bed or mat if you want the dog to stay in one place. Using a mat makes the palace for the stay more comfortable, and the dog can clearly see, feel and relax in the designated space. Make sure you use “stay” appropriately. For example, if you teach a dog to stay until released , but then start saying it as you leave for work every day, you will confuse your dog and lose the true use of “stay.”

·         Go to bed. You can make a game out of “go to bed.” Start by leading your dog to his ed and then rewarding him. Then, add the words once your dog is running to this spot, expecting a teat, praise or chew toy.

Daily Routine

Once you have taught your dog the basics, you can reinforce her learning throughout the daily routine. There are many opportunities to practice these cues every day; you don’t have to set aside a specific time for training. Here are some examples:

·         Ask your dog to sit before going outside and before coming back in.

·         Use “down” before giving your dog a meal or a treat.

·         Use “sit” before giving the dog a treat or toy, or before throwing a toy for a game of fetch.

·         You can add “wait” or “stay” to any “sit” or “down.”

Reward, reward, reward

Ask your dog to sit, lie down, wait or stay in order to get access to anything the dog wants: a walk, a favorite game, toys, treats, social time with people and other animals. Remember to give the reward only when the dog is in the correct position.

Being consistent with this daily training and making it fun will allow you and your dog to develop a trusting relationship. As an extra bonus, your dog gets to exercise his brain. With kind, positive training, your dog will see you as a the best, most generous leader ever and he’ll respond with great behavior that makes him a pleasure to be around. 

Just Click It 

Want an easy way to train your dog? Try clicker training, a fun and effective way to communicate with your pets. You can train almost any kind of pet including cats, birds, dogs and horses to respond to the clicker. For example, you can teach your dog to sit or your bird to hop onto a stick using a clicker training. The only thing you need is a clicker, some treats, and an animal friend.

Clicker training works by getting your pet to expect something positive (like a treat) in return for doing something you ask him or her to do. You use the clicker so that your pet will associate the treat with the clicking noise. Eventually, you won’t even have to use treats; your pet will respond to the clicker alone.

For more on clicker training and specifics on training your dog to respond to many of the cues mentioned above, visit our online resources at bestfriends.org/the animals/petcare.

(Source: Best Friends Magazine – January/February 2015 Issue)

Are Corporations People?

Are Corporations People?

Ashley Sanders: Movement to Amend  (Watch on Youtube)

Organizing to End Corporate Rule and to Get Money Out of Politics

            The main topic of this presentation was the question “Are corporations human beings?” Power is not inevitable. It’s constructed with very deliberate strategies. There are many free market success stories. Oppression is political and economic. People in power oppress those who are not. What happens is the oppressed resist. Debtors, orphans, indentured servants became the first slaves. Corporations had to be made more accountable. These are some of the views of the movement. Corporations have created more dissention, racism and a class base society. The history of this country is a history of power and control.

            The movement to amend project is a national grass roots organization with approximately 300,000 members. This group is trying to amend the constitution and remove or amend the amendment to state that corporations are not human beings and money is not free speech. They want to build a democracy for the American public. Ashley Sanders began the presentation by asking what color the sky over Sault Lake City was in the winter time. Someone answered brown. She said that was right. Sault Lake City is the location of the largest open pit copper mine. This city has the most air pollution in the world. A company with a headquarters in London makes over $14 Billion and at the same time cause many people to develop asthma and other health problems. Are corporations more important than people?

            Explorations during the 1500s led to the development of the first corporations through the vehicle of massive colonization. Exploitation, conquest and slavery was the end result of this exploration period. A question was sought to be answered “How can we make as much money as possible and minimize risk?” Some time ago colonies became the first corporate charters with limited liability. Corporations were given the protection concerning there are no risks beyond what was originally invested. The Governors who served under King George III were the first CEOs. British East Indian Company was the first corporation. The colonies were used by Britain to provide England with a profit and much of their resources were extracted to do so. This led to the American Revolution.

            There is a democracy movement and one of the first order of business they addressed was taxation without representation. The movement cuts across many issues. During the first Constitutional meeting with the elites were working together to get rid of the green eyed monster named democracy. There was upraising of the common people. “We the People” from the Constitution did not represent the entire population, but only about 5 to 10%. It did not represent the indigenous, women, African Americans, other people considered below the white elites. The Constitution was written and the Bill of Rights had to be added as a demand by the common people. Stipulations were added such as: Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Religion, and basic political and economic sovereignty. When taxes were placed on tea and the tea party, they threw tea in the harbor.

            In the past it was a felony to donate money to politicians. Corporations went to the Supreme Court and presented an argument that they are people. Nine elected judges heard their case. The 14^th Amendment was used to protect African Americans and was also used to protect corporations against discrimination. The 4^th Amendment that was used to protect people from search and seizure was used to protect corporations. In 1976, the 5^th Amendment was used to legally give corporations the right to provide campaign contributions to political candidates.

            Corporations are in place to make money. They are legally required to maximize profits for its shareholders even if the actions go against the rights of people. Corporations have the political and military backing of the state. Power is constructed. Extreme corporate capitalism is how it is created. Consecrated tyranny is portrayed by these sanctions.

1.      Corporations are the perfect vehicle for exploitation without accountability.

2.      Corporations are constructed by state power and cannot exist without it.

3.      Oppression is always both political and economic between political and economic systems.

            The theme throughout history was that corporation power versus democracy.

·         The people in power organize to exploit and harm other people for profit, and,

·         The people who are being exploited and harmed organize to resist.

            Corporations were considered to have the same rights as people and were being considered more important than people when the following legal battles were won by the wealthy corporations:

·         1886 – Santa Clara County vs. Southern Pacific Railroad. The 14^th Amendment was used to protect the railroad which was put into place to protect African Americans from discrimination. A corporation can sue a city or other municipality if they are not permitted to locate in that community under the protection of the 14^th amendment.

·         1906 – Hale vs. Henkel. Corporations were protected under the 4^th Amendment which involves the protection of search and seizure. Regulators must get a warrant before they can inspect businesses for possible violation of labor and environmental laws.

·         1922 – Pennsylvania Coal Company vs. Mahon. Corporations are protected under the 5^th Amendment which involves protections against the government taking their property without compensation. Corporations are entitled to getting back all the money they could have earned if their property was not seized.

·         1976 – Buckley vs. Valeo. The Supreme Court ruled that corporations have the First Amendment right to freedom of speech. Since Corporations don’t have mouths to speak with, they can speak by spending money in elections, removing limits on political spending.

 

·         1996 – International Dairy Foods Association vs. Amestoy. The Supreme Court overturns a Vermont law requiring the labeling of all products containing bovine growth hormone. Corporations were given the right not to speak and extending it to statements of fact as well as statement of opinion.

·         2010 – Citizens United vs. Federal Election Commission. Reaffirms that a corporation is a person and states that any restrictions on corporations’ money in elections violates the corporations’ First Amendment right to free speech. This ruling abolishes all federal and state limits.

            Laws were passed by Congress that did support the people such as women’s right to vote and the Civil Rights Act of 1866 which extended the right of emancipated African Americans by stating any person born in the U.S. regardless of race is a U.S. citizen. These laws were passed because people stood up to the government and fought for what is right. Money and interest has too much control of the majority’s lives. There are gross injustices. What would happen if people who didn’t count the first time look at the top of the pyramid?

 

Ghost Towns and Forgotten Railroads in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan

Ghost Towns and Forgotten Railroads in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan

            The Upper Peninsula  (U.P.) has a rich history of a busy commerce involving mining and the lumber business.  The flour mills were prominent in Minnesota. Coal was also transported by train all over the U.P.  I remember the whistle being sounded on the ship the “Chief Wawatam” when I lived in St. Ignace back in the 1970s and 1980s. Large pools of black smoke would permeate from the smoke stacks and left a lot of things around it black with soot. The Keweenaw Peninsula in Upper Michigan had vast amount of copper that was mined from 1843 to the early 1920s. Railroads existed from Sault Ste. Marie, MI to the west and as far as Mackinaw County and St. Ignace, MI. The profitable years of the lumber business peaked during 1912. Two of the railroads were referred to the “Duluth South Shore and Atlantic” and the “Soo Line.” The Soo Line had a strong British interest.

            The little community of Raco, MI had a post office and many of the railroads met at this depot. Now it is an extremely small community that exists today that is so small that it doesn’t warrant a post office. The railroad grade is used as a snowmobile trail that runs from Raco to Strongs, MI.  The trains that exist today in the Upper Peninsula don’t even have a caboose. During the 1950s, passengers were not permitted to travel on the trains. In the past, many individuals found the railroads could provide a cheap mode of transportation from one town to the next. The railroad conductors traveled great distances across the Upper Peninsula. Because the mining and lumber business ceased being profitable, many of the railroads and towns became ghosts from the past.

            The U.P. is littered with forgotten towns and railroads. Deep in the woods behind Raco and to the west, east and south of Raco are locations that had existed with schools and post offices. Villages and towns were constructed at the sites of mines, lumber companies and other businesses. Traveling throughout the area on many of the lumbering roads by a four wheeler reveals the vast myriad of towns and villages have existed years ago. There are hundreds of miles of roads that are now not traveled on a regular basis. Most of these roads are made of sand and gravel. Well beaten tracks into a past of busy commerce. During this busy time period there were 112 high schools. Now there are 51 high schools in the Upper Peninsula. Does this mean the population has dropped considerably or does it mean that the people began residing at the larger communities? The railroads lasted as long as the lumber companies existed.

            Some of the lumber companies that existed in the past were:

            Reavie Lumber Company and brickyard in St. Ignace

            Strathern Hendrie Lumber Company (located near Hendrie River)

            Pechta Shimkovets Lumber Company in Peshims (Ghost Town)

            Dell Lumber Company

            Algonquin Jct Lumber Company

            Edgett and McDonald Lumber Company at Dorgans Crossing

            Dollar Lumber Company (Raco Air Station – Does not exist today)

            Kemp Lumber Company

            Cadillac – Soo Lumber Company

            Richardson Avery Lumber Company in Raco

            Jamieson Lumber Company at Flatfoot Jct

            Cy Bennett Lumber Company at Lyonton

            Sheldon Lumber Company at Eckerman Depot

            Cadillac Lumber Company at Strongs

            Hudson and Donaldson Lumber Company at Garnet station

            There were many railroads, too many to list, that existed in the U.P. Ghosts from the past. Because of the mass commerce in the U.P., there were often train accidents and derailments. Things were hectic and many people were employed by these prosperous endeavors of the past.   The mining era when copper was the prominent commodity in today’s ghost locations. Cliff Mine Location, which consists of grassy meadows, apple trees, and an old cemetery. Some of the areas still have a small population living at these locations. The conditions in the U.P. during the late 1800s and early 1900s were rough and dangerous in some of the more remote areas. The winters were long and treacherous; however, people from all over the world built homes, churches, schools, and provided the United States with the purest copper known throughout the world.

            Some of the ghost settlements from the mining days include:

CENTRAL MINE
At one time Central Mine, opened in 1854, was a top copper producer. It was located in an ancient mining pit along an outcrop below a Greenstone Bluff. The remains of this town are located on the west side of highway 41 just 4 miles north of Phoenix. Cornish miners and their families flocked from Britain and with their extensive mining knowledge they helped make this a successful venture. There are several buildings still standing, most of them occupied by summer residents. You can still see some of the old mine buildings and rock piles as you drive through the village. The old Methodist Episcopal Church, erected in 1868, has been recently restored. There is a reunion held the last Sunday in July with two services at 9:00 and 11:00 a.m. Many descendants of the original miners form the majority of the congregation on Reunion Sunday but visitors are always welcome.

CLIFF
A lively village grew up around the fabulous Cliff Mine, established in 1844 by John Hayes, a pharmacist from Pittsburgh, PA. It was the first profitable mine in the Keweenaw. At its peak, 840 men were employed. Great copper masses were found regularly at the Cliff Mine. Many were so immense (50-100 tons) they required days of cutting before they could be divided into sections small enough to transport to the dock at Eagle River. The Cliff produced over 40 million pounds of copper. The village was clustered around the mine at the base of the cliff where a cemetery still exists across the west branch of the Eagle River. Later the village moved across the road where the Keweenaw Central Railroad established a station. Beyond the tracks is the old German Cemetery. The Cliff Mine closed in 1873. Unfortunately, little remains except some old foundations and rock piles. The Cliff is located just left of highway 41 north of Mohawk.

DELAWARE

Only a few foundations remain of the historic town of Delaware, located on the east side of Highway 41, 12 miles south of Copper Harbor. Some of the old houses seen in this picture have recently fallen down or have been torn down, but you can see the old foundations. The Delaware Mine (1874) is located on the west side of the highway.

GAY

Just a few miles east of Kersearge on the east shore of the Keweenaw Peninsula in the village of Gay. The Mohawk Mining Company built its stamp mill here in 1898. Gay is located at the water's edge because water was needed for the flotation method of separating copper from ore and the large lake offered ideal dumping ground for the tons of residual stamp sand. By 1932 the stamp sand went out a mile past the original shore. Gay was named for Joseph E. Gay, one of the founders of the Mohawk and Wolverine Mining Companies. The 265' Gay smokestack still stands and serves as a landmark for boaters. There are still some summer residents here and a few hardy souls who stay all winter. There are no stores or gas stations, so plan accordingly.

MANDAN
If you are interested in seeing a realistic ghost town, your trip is not complete without a drive through Mandan. About four miles north of Delaware on highway 41, is a post on the right that reads Mandan. Turn east and follow the little dirt road for a few feet and you will see the old buildings left from a once thriving mining town. This was the site of the Mandan Mining Company (1863) and was home at one time to about 300 people. At this time, there are three or four houses left that are apparently used by summer residents, and you can see many old foundations and the remains of some unfortunate houses that have collapsed. At one time there were 10 houses in double rows on each side of Main Street.
The school, built in 1907, was on a little hill and faced the woods but all that remains is the foundation. In the early 1900's the town was at the end of the line for the railroad and had a railroad depot. Some say the town was named for a local Indian tribe that used red dye for decorations and mandan is a Welsh word for red dye, while others say it was named for "that man Dan," Daniel Spencer, a Scotish-Irish miner from Canada.

PHOENIX
Phoenix is located on highway 41 at the junction of M-26 to Eagle River. Once (about 1872) a thriving mining town of around 500 to 1000 people, but today there are only a few old buildings and the Phoenix Church remaining at the site of the old mine. St. Mary's Church was built in 1858 to serve the Catholic residents of the mining community of Cliff, the scene of the area's first major copper discovery in 1844. In 1899 the church was dismantled and reassembled in Phoenix, where it was renamed the Church of the Assumption. The Keweenaw County Historical Society has purchased and restored the property so the Phoenix Church appears much as it did over 100 years ago.

QUINCY MINE SMELTER

The remains of the Quincy Smelter sit on the shores of Portage Lake in Hancock. Copper ore from the Quincy Mine was turned into ignots and shipped to factories.Built in 1898, this is the only copper smelter site remaining in the Lake Superior Region. Hopefully, this historic site will be restored.

OLD VICTORIA

One of the first sites ever mined for copper in the new world is a very picturesque ghost town. This is where the famous "Ontonagon Boulder" was discovered in the Ontonagon river. The Boulder is now resting in the National Museum of Natural Science at the Smithsonian Institute in Washington, D.C.

FAYETTE

Fayette was once a bustling company town at the tip of the Garden Peninsula, the well-cared for buildings have now been standing for nearly 150 years, and it’s a wonderful place to spend an afternoon. After the iron operation that created the town shut down in the late 1800’s, Fayette was turned into a state park by State of Michigan. The park is located on one of the most scenic parts of Lake Michigan’s shoreline. (Source: http://www.exploringthenorth.com/ghost/towns.htr)

            Yoopers, a term coined for people who live in the U.P., enjoy the hardy beauty and enjoy pasties, and the Mighty Mac Bridge. Pasties are meat pies surrounded by a crust that provided the miners with a well rounded meal for the miners. I am proud to admit I am a Yooper because the U.P. is full of a rich history of a beautiful wonderland. Many people and goods were transported from one end of the U.P. to another by various railroads. A lot of copper was distributed all over the country and many people were provided heat during the cold winter months because of the delivery of coal. Flour provided by the Minnesota was considered an important commodity. The U.P. has undergone many changes throughout the history.

Ethnostress

Ethnostress

            Historically, Indian people have been forced to continually renegotiate their environments, including the communities in which they resided. Ethnostress is caused by a disruption in the development of cultural beliefs and personal identity.  Stereotypes can carry a lot of weight in relationship to self-perceptions.  They may influence social relationships through the creation of an illusion of reality. 

Today, many people have the freedom to express their cultural identity and move beyond past oppression.  Many Native Americans have fallen into a trap of internalizing the stereotypes, such as filthy and/or drunken Indians, that have been placed upon them for centuries. As a result of these false perceptions, Native American people of the United States and Canada have had and continue to have the highest rates of suicide, alcoholism, family breakdown, and other family and individual difficulties than any other ethnic group.  These points are being repeated over and over again; however, they are important points that need to be addressed.

            “Response patterns” associated with ethnostress include feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness caused by an act or acts committed by the people in power.  Interactions with people from their own culture and interactions with people from other cultures are negatively influenced by ethnostress. One of every two tribal adults has personally dealt with alcoholism during the twentieth century.  Researchers have not conducted studies exploring the correlation between the high rates of alcoholism with the attendance of the residential and boarding schools. 

Indian people were forced onto reservations and their livelihoods were taken away, which exacerbated confusion about their own identities.  Thus, they became reliant on the government to provide for some of their basic needs, such as clothing, food, and shelter because in the past they were hunters and gatherers.  However, other basic needs were neglected and pushed aside.  For example, the voices and concerns of the Indian people were not heard, and only the need to conform was considered paramount by the dominant culture. As a result, these needs were not met:

·         Being heard in communication.

·         Being seen.

·         Knowing their communication is accepted and believed.

            ·         Knowing that others have faith and trust in them.

·         Being allowed to take a place of honor in the world.

·         Feeling secure about, and at peace with one’s self.

·         Feeling that one’s existence is not detrimental, but beneficial to the important people in one’s  life.[i]

            It is important to consider the differences between wants versus needs, and the magnitude in which the desire to place wants before needs has caused a vast amount of damage. Wants are usually short lived in their importance.  Needs are essential for survival throughout the course of a person’s lifetime.  Trauma can seriously damage an individual’s psychological and emotional well-being and, in turn, can negatively impact survival.  The unmet needs, such as feeling a connection to others, have impeded a vast amount of people of all races of securing feelings of a healthy emotional well-being.  In order to address the problems caused by historical trauma, communication between all parties must be established.

 

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[i] Antone, R., Miller, D., and Myers, B. (1986).  The Power Within People.  Ontario: Peace Tree Technologies, Inc., 8.

 

 

Words for Teens

Northland College principal John Tapene has ofered the following words from a judge who regularly deals with youth. "Always we hear the cry from teenagers, 'what can we do, where can we go?"
"My answer is this: Go home, mow the lawn, wash the windows, visit the sick, study your lessons and after you've finished, read a book. You r town does not owe you recreational facilities and your parents do not owe you fun.
"The world does not owe you a living, you owe the world soemthing. You owe it your time, energy and talent so that no one will be at war, in sickness and lonely again. In other words grow up, stop being a cry baby, get out of your dream world and develop a backbone not a wishbone. Start behaving like a responsible person. You are important and you are needed. It's too late to sit aorund and wait for somebody to do something soemday. Someday is now and that somebody is you!"

The Galapagos Islands

The Galapagos Islands 

The Galápagos Islands are probably the most famous wildlife-watching destination in the world. Charles Darwin’s conducted his ground-breaking theory of natural selection on San Cristobal Island, which is located to the east of the other islands. He wrote the book “The Origin of Species.” The land on the islands consist of geologic hot spots which are only a couple of million years old. Approximately 130,000 tourists visited last year and the islands can only support up to 200,000 tourists per year.

            Approximately 620 miles off the coast of Ecuador and South America, and right on the equator, there is a cluster of thirteen volcanic islands (larger than four square miles) plus six smaller islands and more than 100 islets. Each island has its own unique atmosphere, distinctive landscape and wonderful wildlife.

            On the islands there are penguins living in the tropics and boobies with bright blue feet to tool-using woodpecker finches and male frigate birds turning their wrinkled throat sacs into fully inflated red balloons. The word booby means clown in Spanish. Giant tortoises can be seen in the highlands, and some people have snorkeled with sea lions in crystal-clear water. Some of the giant sea tortoises eat the Gian Prickly Pear Cactus. Marine iguanas settle on black lava rocks. The islands host other unique and astonishing species of wildlife such as the Lava Heron, Pelicans, Galagapos Doves, Black Necked Stilts, the Silly Lightfoot Crab, Flamingos and amazingly there are penguins. These are the only penguins that live north of the equator.  

            There are only a few landing spots on the islands, some of the islands host landfills and some of the islands have very little to no people residing on the islands.

            When a volcano erupts, the first plant life is the Lava Cactus. The volcanoes are active on these picturesque islands. The trees lose their leaves every year at about the same time even though the weather stays a relatively constant temperature. One of the types of trees are called the Palo Santo Trees. This archipelago is a land of stark lava formations, cactus forests, lush green highlands, turquoise bays and tropical beaches.  As soon as anyone lands on one of the islands in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, they can be face-to-face with more oddly fearless and curious animals than anywhere else on Earth. The animals have no reason to fear humans.

            Some of the natives speak their own languages and Spanish is spoken by other inhabitants. Makes me wonder if there were Spanish explorers that landed on these islands some time ago. Goods are transported to the islands to support the tourist trade such as beverages, cabbages and beer. The islands appear to be a magical place to visit and people possibly take a step back in time.

 

The Blame Trap

The Blame Trap 

“When you cast blame, you disempower yourself

and relinquish control of your destiny.”

Kirk Charles 

            Finding fault with others stops us from taking control and effectively handling difficult situations. It wastes our energy and time instead of exploring how we can positively influence the situation. We have chosen to be a part of the problem and not a part of the solution. In other words, blaming keeps us from imposing corrective action. Blame and fault finding serve no useful purpose in emergencies or our everyday lives. It involves finger pointing. Whenever we point our index finger at someone else we need to remind ourselves that three fingers are pointing back at us. So in essence we need to ask ourselves “What role did I play in this situation?” or “What did I do to perpetuate this situation?” Instead of finding fault, we can use our precious time to seek solutions. We will be moving forward instead of backwards.                                                                               

          When we hear ourselves blaming or finding fault with others we can be assured that we are still keeping ourselves infused in the grip of the blame trap and we are not fully accepting the vast amount of opportunities awaiting to unfold for us. We have been conditioned to compare, rate, score, judge, and assign value to movies, oranges, music, furniture, cars, people, animals,  professional sports teams, and so much more. We discuss good and bad, beautiful and ugly, skinny and fat. We notice gorgeous, awful, stupid, wonderful, nice, better, the worse and the best. Nothing seems to escape the critical, judgmental, evaluative mindset of this country.

            Blaming others is a good example of our conditioning which has provided us with a means of not taking responsibility. It is a way of using language to assign ownership to someone else for the choices we made. As a result of blaming others, we have given up our personal power. If we blame others, we put them in the driver’s seat. We give them the power, rendering ourselves powerless and out of control. When we blame others we train ourselves to focus on others preventing us from examining our role in any given situation and diverting responsibility to others.                       

Some examples to help us decide if we are residing in the blaming trap are: 

·         “It’s my parents’ fault. They were too abusive.”

·         “My spouse’s abuse ruined my life.”

·         “My boss is the boss from hell.”

            Self-criticizing will trap us in the blame game. Self-criticism comes in various forms: second guessing; self put-downs; and using adjectives to describe ourselves, such as “I am fat.” We need to move from describing ourselves to describing our behaviors. Think back to our childhoods. Many of us were called a bad kid because we did something like track mud into the house. It would have been better to be scolded for not taking our shoes off at the door? Another example, we could say “I am not fun” and change it to “I was not fun last night.” See the difference. We are not attacking our entire being, only one behavior. 

            Second guessing is very easy to recognize because we add shoulds and should nots to our conversations. Avoid using the word should. We can’t change the past so we may as well learn from each and every experience. 

            Accepting reality is one the goals of many healing modalities. Facing and coming to term with reality is beneficial. Acceptance is frequently the turning point for positive change. We have many things to accept through the course of any given day. Our present circumstances include who we are, where we live and live with, where we work, our mode of transportation, how much money we have, what our responsibilities are, what we may do for fun, and any existing problems. Sometimes accepting the things in our life can be a breeze when things are going well, then it is when things are not going so well.

            When dealing with unresolved trauma, we may feel overwhelmed by problems, losses or change. Even our healing journey can reveal losses we are struggling to accept. If some things in our lives have not been going well, we may have accepted a life filled with these problems. Without these challenges our lives may feel a little off balance.  We need to understand acceptance does not mean adaptation. It doesn’t mean resignation concerning the problems we are facing. It means we acknowledge and accept our circumstances, including ourselves and the people in our lives, as we are and they are. It is only from the state of acceptance we can achieve the ability to evaluate our present situation. 

            We have been conditioned to judge so many things that cross our paths from sport teams to cars. If we fall into the blame trap, we limit our opportunities to enhance our skills at handling difficult situations. We are no longer in the driver’s seat because we have failed to take responsibility for our own decisions and actions. Avoiding using the word should allows us to be in the present moment instead of hanging out in the past or our reaction to the past. We cannot change the past. Getting past our need to self-criticize ourselves will free us from our self-hatred prisons. We need to be careful to only judge our behaviors and not our entire being. Taking responsibility for everything life has to offer places us in control.