Forgiveness

Forgiveness and holding onto grudges are at the heart of many human dramas. People are often humiliated, rejected, wounded by selfishness and inconsideration, treated in-humanely, and stabbed in the back. Forgiveness can forge a bridge linking hatred and alienation to liberation from two kinds of hell: bitterness and victim-hood on one side; and guilt, shame, and self-condemnation on the other.

Making peace with those who harmed us does not have to be done in person. It may happen in the privacy of our own mind. This is going to be difficult to hear. Forgiveness is about letting go of our own unhealthy feelings of self-importance so we can move on with living a more balanced life. In essence, forgiveness is not about weakness. Weak individuals are the people who cannot for-give. Forgiveness is the healing work of the strong. 

Forgiveness of those who have personally caused harm to us, our families or significant others can serve as a release. In the Course of Miracles “all dis-ease comes from a state of unforgiveness,” and it is further explained that “whenever we are ill, we need to look around to see who it is we need to forgive.” Louise L. Hay also adds the very person an individual finds hardest to forgive is the one needed to be let go of the most. Forgiveness has nothing to do with condoning unjust and unkind behaviors, it means letting things go (Hay, 1999).

Forgiveness must not involve trade offs, we must not expect retribution. A good example of this is sending a letter to someone and demanding they follow all require-ments set forth in the letter before forgiveness will be granted.  Learning how to trust again after being harmed is one of the most challenging facets of being a human being. Developing trust is essential for forgiveness and healing. It is important to be able to move on. If we let others know that we have trust in them and this acknowledgment is earnest, they are less likely to betray us. In order to forgive and make peace with those who hurt us, we must learn to trust again.

          True forgiveness of self and others involves con-fronting the truth about a harmful situation and then feeling the emotions associated with the situation head on, not holding back at all. By experiencing feelings as deeply as possible, even feelings of anger towards the individual who may have caused us harm, we allow these feelings to be released. Remember, everyone makes mistakes (Hay, 1999).

         Generally, it is more harmful for the person who is holding onto the resentments than the person who is perceived as causing the resentment. Everyone has been hurt at one point or another. Life is unfair. When harm is caused by others, there will not always be an understanding as to why. Release those hurt feelings. Holding onto resentments is linked to several physical problems such as increased blood pressure, weakened immune system, depresssion and impaired memory. Harboring resentments is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

Examination of feelings concerning forgiveness towards our parents is a necessary component for the healing process. Mourning a lost childhood is vital for overcoming childhood trauma. Most people have set beliefs of how parents should treat their children. When parents fall short of these beliefs, the adult child often feels cheated. Everyone who wants to be mentally healthy needs to come to terms with their parents whether they consider them to have been either good or bad parents. Children do not possess the intellectual and emotional tools to admit their parents’ harmful behaviors are not the result of something the child has done. When parents are at war with each other, a child’s loyalties are strained. This is most likely the case in a majority of households due to the high divorce rate in this country. Again, it is important to accept what has occurred during our childhood and forgive those who have harmed us.   

Hay is experienced in providing services to those who are suffering from poor health, lack of money, unsatisfactory relationships, or even repressed creativity and associates these problems with not loving the self. Holding ourselves hostage to resentments is associated with not loving the self.  Hay suggests we need to love, accept, and approve of ourselves just as we are. We need to consider ourselves a work in progress. Self-approval and self-acceptance are a couple of the main ingredients which can lead to positive changes in every area of our lives. This process can begin with never criticizing ourselves. Self criticism can lock us into the pattern we are trying to change, which is oftentimes referred to as a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

We need to forgive ourselves for our perceived shortcomings and mistakes. Sometimes when we are feeling anger towards someone, we are actually angry with ourselves. We may be angry for putting up with someone’s harmful treatment of us for as long as we did. We need to make sure we forgive ourselves. Be kind to ourselves and garnish acceptance of feelings as we progress along the path of healing. It is okay to be compassionate with ourselves. Our pain is only a part of who we are. We have other parts of our psyches that need to be put in the forefront such as our ability to be tender, our sense of humor, our intelligence, and a whole host of things that make us, us. We can tell ourselves, "I am imperfect just like everybody else" (Karen, 2001). 

To assist with building more love and appreciation for ourselves complete the following exercises:

1.      To enhance our self-trust we need to think and write in a journal of a time when we trusted ourselves but thought we had made a grave mistake. Did we learn anything from that experience? Would we have been able to learn the lesson without the experience?

2.      We need to determine who was hardest on us, ourselves or our friends, family, or coworkers?

3.      Determine how did a difficult experience helped us become who we are today?  Do we consider ourselves wiser, more mature, more accepting of others? Did that experience help us reach new heights in the ability to refrain from judging others?

4.      Make the resolution that no experience is ever wasted if we learn something from it. Masters of success tell us that anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried to do anything, especially anything worthwhile (Engel, 2006).

We need to remind ourselves of the worthlessness of worry. Constructively working through traumatic experiences is a way in which we can prevent further damage. Often we find ourselves ruminating about the horrible things in our lives and these obsessions can take over. It is important to practice thought stopping when necessary in order to prevent us from obsessing about traumatic experiences in an unhealthy manner.

The five steps to thought stopping are:

·         Notice when we are having a destructive thought that causes anxiety.

·         Choose a way to immediately and forcefully tell ourselves to STOP this thought. Some ideas include saying “Stop!” out loud or in our mind; picturing a bright red stop sign; and picturing ourselves pushing our arms out in front of us with our hands in a “halt” position. We can keep a rubber band around our wrists and snap it gently; or give our heads a quick shake as if we are physically shaking off the thought. 

·         Consciously exchange the anxious thought for a peaceful thought. We can plan our peaceful thoughts ahead of time so they are ready immediately and write these down to keep track of them. Say our peaceful thoughts out loud or in our minds.

·         We need to keep our mind focused on our peaceful thoughts until the anxious one is completely gone (Schab, 2008).

            Changing our thoughts can make a significant impact on our healing process. Many people throughout history have suffered from trauma. Some individuals have made the bold statement that adversity, obstacles, chaos, and trauma may actually be necessary for people to be successful and fulfilled.

            J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter books, described when she was in the depths of despair. She was experiencing a broken marriage, her parents’ display of disapproval concerning her life decisions, and poverty. Hence, she lacked the support she needed and her options were minimal concerning her predicament. Her failures stripped her of everything nonessential in her life and it taught her things about herself. Rowling turned to one of her dreams which was to become a writer and she sat one day at a café and started writing on napkins about her thoughts of a manuscript idea and the rest is history. Mary Tyler Moore made the public statement about chaos breeding creativity. Suzanne Somers has written about the trauma she has faced in her life. Post traumatic growth can occur in many forms besides recovery. We may find ourselves pursuing our dreams with vigor after we recover from unresolved trauma.   

Forgiveness can open up many opportunities for us. We can develop better relationships, pursue our dreams and aspirations and take better care of ourselves. Holding onto resentments can damage us physically and emotionally. By changing our thoughts, we can make a more positive impact on our lives. Setting ourselves up in victim-hood only causes us harm. It’s time to turn ourselves around instead of beating ourselves up. We are imperfect like everyone else and we need to accept ourselves imperfections and all.

Reference

Brunner, S. (2015). Beyond the Shadows. Michigan: Freedom Eagles Press.

Gerrrymandering

This is the best explanation of gerrymandering you will ever see

How to steal an election: a visual guide

By Christopher Ingraham March 1, 2015 

Gerrymandering -- drawing political boundaries to give your party a numeric advantage over an opposing party -- is a difficult process to explain. Suppose we have a very tiny state of fifty people. Thirty of them belong to the Blue Party, and 20 belong to the Red Party. And just our luck, they all live in a nice even grid with the Blues on one side of the state and the Reds on the other.

Now, let's say we need to divide this state into five districts. Each district will send one representative to the House to represent the people. Ideally, we want the representation to be proportional: if 60 percent of our residents are Blue and 40 percent are Red, those five seats should be divvied up the same way.

Fortunately, because our citizens live in a neatly ordered grid, it's easy to draw five lengthy districts  -- two for the Reds , and three for the Blues. Voila! Perfectly proportional representation, just as the Founders intended.  Now, let's say instead that the Blue Party controls the state government, and they get to decide how the lines are drawn. Rather than draw districts vertically they draw them horizontally, so that in each district there are six Blues and four Reds. You can see that in grid 2 above, "compact but unfair."

With a comfortable Blue majority in this state, each district elects a blue candidate to the House. The Blues win 5 seats and the Reds don't get a single one. Oh well! All's fair in love and politics.

In the real world, the results of this latter scenario are similar to what we see in New York, though there are no good examples of where a majority party gives itself a clean-sweep. In 2012, Democrats received 66 percent of the popular House vote. But they won 21 out of 27 House seats, or three more than you'd expect from the popular vote alone. And from a purely geometric standpoint, New York's congressional districts aren't terribly irregular -- at least not compared to other states.

Finally, what if the Red Party controls the state government? The Reds know they're at a numeric disadvantage. But with some creative boundary drawing --  the type you see in grid 3, "neither compact nor fair" -- they can slice the Blue population up such that they only get a majority in two districts. So despite making up 40 percent of the population, the Reds win 60 percent of the seats. Not bad!

In the real world, this is similar to what we see in Pennsylvania. In 2012, Democrats won 51 percent of the popular House vote. But the only won 5 out of 18 House seats -- fewer than one third. This was because when Pennsylvania Republicans redrew the state's Congressional districts, they made highly irregular districts that look like the one below, PA-7, one of the most geographically irregular districts in the nation.

Now, this exercise is of course a huge simplification. In the real world people don't live in neatly-ordered grids sorted by political party. But for real-world politicians looking to give themselves an advantage at redistricting time, the process is exactly the same, as are the results for the parties that gerrymander successfully.

The easiest way to solve this issue, of course, would be to take the redistricting process out of human hands entirely. There is already software capable of doing just that -- good luck getting any politicians to agree to it, though.

The process of re-drawing district lines to give an advantage to one party over another is called "gerrymandering". Here's how it works. (Daron Taylor/The Washington Post)

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 Note: Gerrymandering has been coming up latel

The Amish

A large group of Amish people decided to move to Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan a few years ago. We see them at local farmers’ markets, at local stores and driving their horse and buggies near where they live and other areas. They seem to be a friendly lot. Some of the stores put a place for their horses to be secured. We are not permitted to park near these areas to prevent us from blocking the area. The men usually sport beards and the women wear bonnets and long dresses. There have been some complaints about them driving their carriages during the nighttime hours. People fear they may not see their black buggies. The police have not been able to convince the Amish people to install lights to the back and front of their buggies. There has been another complaint about the Amish not having to obtain building permits. Our home was built by the Amish, they worked for a manufactured home company. I have learned through my travels that they own restaurants, build furniture and build homes, they are a talented group of people. They are also farmers. I decided to explore and learn more about what it is like to live in an Amish community.

            The Amish people have lived in America for a long time with the first Amish people arriving during the 18^th century. They moved to this country to escape persecution because of their religious beliefs. The first sect was established by Jakob Amman, a Swiss minister, during the late 17^th century in the Anabaptist church. He believed that his followers should adhere to the teachings of Jesus and His apostles, but leave the rest of the world behind, not get involved in the daily lives of others outside of their sect. The word “Amish” originated from his name.

            Their language was derived from the “Deutsch” or German and from an ancient dialect. Because of their isolation from the outside world, their language is spoken differently than the current German. Their language has been influenced by the English population.

            Farming is the central focal point of their lives so where they live depends on where they can farm successfully. The population of the Amish has expanded due to their large families so they tend to live on land away from urban areas. They initially resided in Ohio and now have expanded to 30 states and they also reside in Canada. Ohio has the largest Amish population. The Amish population is one the fastest growing populations in the U.S. In 1920, the population was at 5,000 and now it is almost 300,000. In 1984 the population was reported to be at 84,000. The extensive growth is related to the belief that large families are a blessing from God. Children also provide assistance on the farms.

            Contrary to what I believed, the Amish are taxed on their earnings. Increasing numbers are venturing into business enterprises, primarily carpentry and the sale of farm products. They form construction crews that build homes and other buildings. A friend of mine told me that her neighbors hired the Amish to put a new roof on their home. As a result of owning property and earning money through various ways, they pay all taxes: income, property, sales, estate, corporate and school. They were exempted by Congress to not collect or pay social security . they view social security as a commercial insurance. They believe the members of the church should provide for its community members. The Amish people have been exempted from workmen’s compensation for the same above reason. They are excluded from military service due to their belief in non-resistance. This not only applies to war, but also law-enforcement, politics and legal actions. Wouldn’t life be simpler if we didn’t have to deal with any of these things?

            The Amish life is ruled by the “Ordnung,” a German word for order.  Most Amish people forbid the owning of cars, televisions, computers, other forms of self-propelled machinery and the use of electricity. They forbid the sanction of divorce, and attending high school and college. Photography is not permitted because it may lead to personal vanity. Another Amish word “hochmut” defines the prohibition of the demonstration of pride and arrogance. It is believed that the horse and buggy mode of transportation keeps the community anchored in one area.

            Amish children attend school usually through eighth grade, mostly private schools. A few have attended public schools, approximately 10%. The United States Supreme Court passed a ruling in 1972 that they could end school at the age of 14. Instruction is usually provided in English and their German language.

            The Amish are not considered one single unit, there are four main groups: the Old Order, the New Order, The Beachy Amish and the Amish Mennonites. Subgroups and different rules exist amongst these various categories. The Beachy Amish and Amish Mennonites have been known to drive cars and use electricity while the other groups do not.

            Their dress is rather plain with some groups only wearing black and white clothing, while others may wear muted colors. Buttons are not permitted because of the potential for showiness, and such things as Velcro and zippers are also not allowed. They use pins and hook-and-eye closures. Capes may be worn to religious services.

             The term “Rumspringa” refers to the period of time in young person’s life when they are deciding to either be baptized and join the church or leave the Amish community. The term means running around and this running around stops when they get married. When a person turns 16 the youth will socialize with their friends on weekends. They will perhaps seek a future mate or explore the workings of the outside world. The “Rumspringa” ends when the person is between the age of 18 and 21 or if they decide to leave the Amish community.

            I hope this summary of what it is like to live in an Amish community was helpful. It is my understanding that they are a hard working people who embrace the solidarity of their communities. With farming being their main focus, the community practices a drive to satisfy the responsibility of caring for their community as a whole. I have seen during the winter months, a long line with cotton towels were hung to dry and possibly air. I saw a young man at a mail box, he seemed excited to discover what had been sent. The males are usually seen driving the horse and buggies. I imagine the family members are assigned the traditional jobs of males and females such as the females handling the cooking responsibilities. I wonder if they celebrate any of the holidays we celebrate. Do they read books on a regular basis? When it is dark outside do they light candles? Perhaps I will need to interview a few Amish people to find out more about their lives.

Reference

Diebel, M. (August 15, 2014). The Amish: 10 things you might not know. Retrieved on March 7,   2017           from http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/08/15/amish-ten-things- you-need-to-                       know/14111249/

           

           

           

           

            

Easter Island

Easter Island is a mysterious place in the South Pacific in which giant stone statues echo their historical enchantments. The island is located 2,300 miles from Chile’s west coast and 2,500 miles east of Tahiti. The island was formerly referred to Rapa Nui to its first inhabitants. The island was later christened Paaseiland or Easter Island by the Dutch explorers to honor the day of their arrival in 1722. The island was annexed by Chile during the 19^th century and today it mainly serves as a place where many come to visit each year, a tourism location. Many visit the mystifying sites such as the giant statues, the ceremonial village of Orongo and the Rano Kao volcano.

            The creators of the enormous statues were considered master craftsmen and engineers. These marvels are distinctive to other sculptures discovered in the Polynesian cultures. The role the statues served in the ancient Polynesian civilization and the way they have been constructed and transported has puzzled many for centuries.

            Rapa Nui was the first name given to Easter Island by the Polynesians. The first king of Rap Nui was Hoto-Matua, a ruler possibly from the Marquesa Islands. The approximately 900 large statues provides the greatest evidence that a rich culture was established by the original inhabitants. The statues averaged 13 feet in height and weighed approximately 13 tons. The huge stone busts were referred to as “moai.” They were carved out of porous rock formed by volcanic ash. It is still a wonder how the statues were moved all over the island.

            There were distinct cultural phases: the early period (700-850 A.D.), the middle period (1050 – 1680), and the late period (after 1680). Between the first two phases there was evidence that many early statues were destroyed and the statues were rebuilt. The later statues were larger and heavier. During the middle period burial chambers were constructed. The moai were believed to represent the important people who were deified after their death. The biggest statue found constructed during the middle period measured 32 feet tall and weighed approximately 82 tons.

            The later period, laced with civil wars and destruction, involved many statues being pushed over and many obsidian spear points were found. Two competing ethnic groups existed during this time period: The Short-Ears and the Long-Ears. Many lost their lives during heated conflicts.

            The first known European traveler to set foot on the island was a Dutch explorer named Jaob Roggeveen. He arrived in 1722. As stated earlier, the Dutch named the island Paaseiland or Easter Island to celebrate their date of arrival.

            After about 50 years in 1770, the Spanish viceroy of Peru sent explorers to the island. They spent four days and estimated the population to be at approximately 3,000 people. Four years later after a civil war the British navigator Sir James Cook arrived to find that the island’s population dropped to only 600 to 700 men with only about 30 women still remaining.

            Jean-Francois de Galaup, a French explorer, discovered 2,000 people on the island when he arrive in 1786. The major influx of people was decimated by a slave raid from Peru in 1862 which was made worse by smallpox being introduced to the small community. The population was reduced to 111 by 1877. Catholic missionaries decided to settle on the island to convert the natives to Christianity. Chile annexed the island and rented much of the land for sheep raising. In 1965 the government of Chile appointed a governor for Easter Island. The residents of the island became citizens of Chile.

            Easter Island was formed by a series of volcanic eruptions. It is 14 miles long and seven miles wide. The hilly terrain and subterranean caves filled with corridors extend into the mountains of volcanic rock serve as a challenge for people who want to explore the island. The largest volcano is Rano Kao and the highest point is Mount Terevaka, which reaches 1,969 feet above sea level. The climate is subtropical and sunny and dry.

            In 1995, UNESCO named Easter Island a World Heritage site. The island has no natural harbor, however, ships can anchor on the west coast at Hanga Roa, the island’s largest village with a population of about 3,300. The island houses a mixed population, mostly of Polynesian ancestry, and the Spanish language is the most prevalent language spoken. The economy is supported by tourism.

            The history of the island involves visitors from many countries. The mysterious large Polynesian statues have provided an unsolved puzzle for many for centuries. Why and how were they constructed? The island serves as a tourist attraction for many today.

Reference

History.com. Easter Island. Retrieved on March 7, 2017 from www.history.com/topics/easter-

            island

           

Realizing Our Self Worth

 

“Ninety percent of the world’s woe comes from people not

knowing themselves, their abilities, their frailties, and

even their real virtues. Most of us go almost all the way

through life as complete strangers to ourselves.”

Sydney Harris 

Positive feelings of self-worth represent a healthy way in which we view ourselves as valuable individuals. Humility is considered an asset, while being confident is often viewed as a fault.  What we believe about ourselves and our abilities serves as a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we continue to tell ourselves we are worthless, our actions will follow suit. By raising our opinion of ourselves, we will accomplish so much more. We will end up contributing more to our communities and households and experience more life satisfaction. The Native American people were beaten down so much for centuries by acts of genocide, assimilation, discrimination, and acculturation that our self-worth is often residing in the very depths of our souls. Many of us will need a crowbar to unlock that treasure. What did the history of our parents and grandparents do to our feelings of self-worth? We can obtain feelings of positive self-worth when we honor ourselves with self-love. If we love ourselves for who we are with all our gifts, faults and other nuances, we will tap into our valuable self-worth.   

            If we are experiencing feelings of low self-worth we may:

• Come from a troubled and dysfunctional family.
• Blame ourselves for everything.
• Fear rejection.
• Have a lot of “shoulds.”
• Feel ashamed of who we are.
• Think we are not good enough.
• Feel as if we are different from the rest of the world.
• Reject compliments or praise.
• Feel depressed because of a lack of praise and compliments.
• Take things personally.
• Have been victims of sexual, emotional or physical abuse, neglect, abandonment, or substance abuse.
• Pick on ourselves constantly about the way we think, look, feel and act. 
• Tell ourselves we can’t do anything right.
• Be afraid of making mistakes.
• Expect ourselves to do everything perfectly.
• Feel a lot of guilt.
• Feel guilty when we spend money on ourselves or do fun things for ourselves.                      Conversely, how do we know if we love ourselves?  The following represent signs of self-love: 
• We start making time for ourselves.
• We set up boundaries to protect ourselves.
• We forgive ourselves, not just for trivial mistakes, but for larger mistakes.
• We let go of unrealistic expectations of ourselves and feel good about what we have already accomplished.
• We find one thing to do every day that makes us happy even if it is brief such as smelling a flower.
• We take a moment to breathe deeply and pay attention to our breath.
• When we hear ourselves thinking something demeaning about ourselves, we practice thought stopping, and develop thoughts which are more compassionate.  

It is difficult to love thy neighbor when we don’t love ourselves. We need to tell ourselves daily that we love ourselves and practice thinking kind thoughts on a regular basis to build our love for ourselves. It is not narcissistic to love ourselves and place importance on ourselves. Self-love is a necessary component to maintaining healthy relationships with anyone including ourselves.

We need to take a good look at ourselves in the bathroom mirror and say one of the following things to ourselves daily: 

• “I’m strong and attractive and I like what I see.”
• “I deserve to have a great life.”
• “I enjoy being me.”
• “I am confident in myself and my abilities.”

           We need to focus on our strengths instead of focusing on our faults and shortcomings.  Paying attention to the latter can destroy any amount of joy we may have in our lives. Our strengths are the very qualities which could make us look our best, yet we try to describe our strengths by making them sound like they are deficits in our character. For example we may say something like this “my weakness is that I care too much.”  We do so, to put a positive spin on whom we are and get the validation we are seeking by presenting ourselves to the outside world in a humble manner, humility is the key to being accepted by others. Our strengths are defined by what we actually do and need to be considered when we are trying to enhance our feelings of self-worth. They are the things we do on a regular basis. To discover our strengths use the following guidelines consisting of these basic ingredients:

• Explore our talents, such as empathy, assertiveness, or competitiveness. Since we often take our talents for granted, step back and put a label on our talents. These talents are things we were born with and they stayed with us. 
• Examine our skills which are things we developed during our lives and are not innate.  They were learned abilities.
• Discover our personal knowledge which is learned and developed through experience, formal learning activities, reading and learning from others.  

When we put these ingredients together we can gain an understanding about our

strengths. Let’s say we are an advocate for people who have been diagnosed with a disability.  Our assertiveness allows us to be able to secure services for our clients, our communication skills permit us to convey what our client’s needs are, and our knowledge of what services are available permits us to make decisions that are in the best interest of our client. 

            Another example may be talents consisting of our ability to be empathetic if we work as a day care provider for young children. Our empathetic abilities give us the capability of understanding what the children under our care need. Because of our skills we are able to provide activities which will enhance the engagement of the children in play time activities and our knowledge of child development will enhance their learning experiences and provide them with a safe environment.

            When we begin to describe our strengths, examine activities we have felt most successful accomplishing. Defining the ingredients in this manner demonstrates what comes naturally and what is learnable. To capture a full understanding of our strengths, we are going to have to go beyond the generic labels and explore how the actual activities make us feel by the use of four signs: success; instincts; growth; and needs. We will need to take the following steps by paying close attention to our feelings before, during, and after our weekly activities. When did we feel successful at accomplishing our goals? To examine our instincts, we need to explore what we find ourselves looking forward to doing. What activities create the most positive growth for us?  The instinct sign refers to how we feel before we did the activity; growth refers to how we felt during the activity, conversely the need sign refers to how we felt right after we have done the activity. We may really feel good after doing the activity and we want to experience that feeling again. 

A person lacking internal feelings of self-worth feels a need for continuous validation,  the greater the lack of self-worth, the greater the need for validation. If we have confidence in ourselves, we will gain respect from others. It is so necessary that we demonstrate this confidence for the sake of our children and grandchildren. They need for us to believe in ourselves so that we can guide them to the right paths to take and so they will take us seriously. Confidence is a way of behaving that doesn’t happen automatically. It occurs because we have learned how to nurture ourselves with self-talk that promotes confidence. It exists when we have learned to speak from belief rather than doubt, from uniqueness rather than conformity. We need to examine our self-talk and ask is it full of doubt?  Remember our self-talk influences our behaviors and the outcome of any given situation. If we want to take on a leadership role, we need to have a higher level of confidence and feelings of self-worth. We can do so by thinking about all the things we can do right. Start small and think about how well we make our bed in the morning or how well we cook eggs. Then move onto the bigger things such as our job related skills. 

Even if some of us work at McDonalds, praise ourselves on how well we do our jobs.  There was a segment on television covering the complexities of working at McDonalds in which television icons demonstrated how difficult it was to work at McDonalds.  Don’t discount anything we do in life. If we survived abuse during our childhoods, consider the strength we possessed to endure such hardships. Really focus on our strengths. It’s a Wonderful Life, the movie our family watches each Christmas, reminds me of how much of an impact we make in this world and a lot of it is positive.  If I wasn’t born, my daughters and grandchildren would not exist. 

             A truly honorable person can bestow honor on others and understand that showing honor to someone else does not diminish their honor. A person who suffers from a low level of self-worth will feel as if they will lose something if they give honor to others. Test those waters and see how comfortable you are with complimenting others. Does it come naturally or is it a struggle for you to do so. The compliment must come from the heart and not be superficial. We need to rehearse truly complimenting others before trying it out on actual people if it is not a common practice for us. Others can sense when we are not being genuine and that will damage our credibility. 

            I know this will be a hard road to travel because we have been told we need to get beyond ourselves and think of others. I am also aware of some people who think mostly about themselves. Do they do so in a loving way? No. They do so because they are overly concerned about their own personal comfort. It is strictly an act of avoidance of anything that may place them in an uncomfortable situation. If we are one of those people who work very hard at avoiding being uncomfortable and instead of facing things, we may handle possible uncomfortable situations by being passive aggressive, work on this problem because we will end up causing harm to ourselves and others. For example, if we tell people what they want to hear; but we don’t follow through, we are going to get the reputation that we don’t do what we say we are going to do, our credibility will be damaged. This will damage our feelings of self-worth.

A lot of people believe that since their self-worth was based on their early years concerning how their parents, teachers, and friends treated them, they can do little to change their feelings of self-worth. It is true that our feelings of self-worth were determined by our pasts. This can be changed. How we judge ourselves is what really counts. It really doesn’t matter what others may think about us. Low feelings of self-worth are based on mistaken ideas and we all have the ability to change these notions if we choose. When looking back at negative experiences think about how we would have dealt with those situations if we would have had a positive, confident attitude.  Don’t look back with regret. Rewriting our past history will have a powerful effect on our future. 

Every person is obligated to be aware of their valuable self-worth. Everybody is unique, born at a specific time to a particular family and living in a certain geological area. This uniqueness in itself gives us great importance. From this point of view we do not have to feel inferior to anyone else. When the Europeans came to this country, the Native American people were referred to as half human by the Europeans, undeserving of respect. The color of their skin was looked upon as inferior. Also wealth was and continues to be a determining factor of how much a person is worth. Famous athletes or actors are deemed as being worth more than others. It is unnecessary to be burdened with feelings of low self-worth when we can easily create specific criteria in which we would be considered a success. No one has a perfect life including those who have achieved fame. Examine all the things we can do and consider our strengths.

Our feelings of self-worth are very important and diminished feelings of self-worth can definitely make a negative impact on our sense of happiness. We need to feel as if we are valuable individuals with exceptional strengths. We are unique with talents and gifts others do not possess. We are not just an employee at McDonalds or any other place of employment; we are people with abilities that enable us to handle a job at McDonalds. We do make a difference. Say positive self affirmations daily such as “I am a worthy person.”  Native American people throughout history have been told otherwise and we can fix that damage. Rewrite history and make us and our ancestors the victors. We are still here, aren’t we?  Develop a list of things we can do, even if we have to start small such as making our beds properly.  Develop our own criteria of why we are great and don’t let others do that for us. We need to nurture our self-worth as if it is a newborn baby needing our care. 

Brunner, S. (2016). Beyond the Shadows. Michigan: Freedom Eagles Press.

Can Cats and Dogs Get Along?

By Jennifer Martin

 

You’ve heard heart-warming stories:  Dog meets cat. Cat loves dog. They bond and are best buds forever. But the real world is a different story, animal behaviorists say. Whether you’re introducing a new cat to a dog, or vice versa, it’s worth remembering that cats are from Mars, dogs are from Venus.

There’s a reason there are no cat parks,” says Pam Johnson-Bennett, animal behaviorist and author of eight books, including Think Like a Cat.  “Cats don’t run up to a strange cat and say, ‘Hey! Let’s play.’” Most cats are essentially solitary and territorial, a phenomenon rooted in their wild ancestry.  Felines lay claim to their turf, and will fight invaders fiercely; they need “home” to be a predictable, safe place.

What does this mean when it comes to introducing dogs and cats?  Following are a few suggestions that can make the meet-up more successful.

Take it slowly. “If I’m a cat, and a new dog is coming through the door, I’m thinking, ‘invasion!’” Johnson-Bennett says. “The cat doesn’t know if the dog is a friend or foe.”  Restrain the dog on a leash and always provide the cat with an escape route. “Cats need to [be able to] get away,” say animal behaviorist Sarah Wilson, author of the blog My Smart Puppy. “It helps to use baby gates, just to give the cat a safe place to run to.” A sturdy, well-installed cat tree will give the cat a vertical escape route, which many prefer.

If you’re bringing a new cat home from the shelter, do not let your dog rush up to the cat carrier.  Instead, take the cat to his own safe room, if possible, and let him hide as long as he needs to. “I’ve had cats who stayed in the linen closet for months,” Wilson notes. “They came out at night and scoped the territory while the dog stayed in the bedroom with the door closed.  And that was fine.”

Animal behaviorist Chris Shaughness, author of Puppy Mill Dogs SPEAK!, recommends rubbing a washcloth or towel over your dog, then letting your cat sniff the cloth.  “If the cat hisses, never scold,” she says.  “Just talk very calmly and happily: ‘This is your new friend. Don’t be scared.’”

Catnip and treats will help, especially in the beginning.  “I reward the dog every time he focuses on me and relaxes,” Johnson-Bennett says. “The dog understands that he’s going to work with me; he’s not going to go chasing after the cat.”

While over time, most cats and dogs come to accept one another, sometimes they never fully warm up to the idea of co-habitation. “There are some households where the dogs and cats are separate,” Shaughness says.  “Again, that’s Okay.  Animals have their preferences just like we do.  We just need to make sure they’re having positive experiences.

 

More Tricks and Tips:

1.     Kittens are not as territorial as grown cats, but they still need gradual, safe introduction to dogs, behaviorists say.  Never leave a kitten alone with a dog, even a dog who seems non-threatening.

2.     Puppies are likely to be particularly exuberant around cats; a leash and consistent training are even more important for them.

3.     When selecting a puppy, go for a breed with a low prey drive. Or, even better, adopt an adult dog who demonstrates good cat manners; many rescue groups evaluate their dogs on cat-tolerant behavior.

4.     When selecting a cat, avoid high-strung, nervous types, or those who have had bad experiences with dogs.  Instead choose one who is confident, mellow and friendly.  He’ll be more likely to warm up to your pooch.

5.     Have a ferocious feline? “There are cats who terrorize dogs,” Wilson says.  It absolutely can go both ways.” Keep a water-filled spray bottle handy and spritz the cat when he jumps the dog.  Don’t scold, yell or even speak to the cat, which will only teach him to attack the dog when you’re not looking.  “You want them to associate attacking the dog with water from the sky,” Wilson says.  “Also, a crate where the dog can hide can be  a great salvation.” 

 

A Dog's Best Friend

Earl woke up one morning and scratched his head. He’d been following old Doc’s orders. He cleaned his house from top to bottom. Talking to himself he said “I even cleaned da dust bunnies under the bed. God only knows how many generations I killed. The plants are gone. What else can a man do to stop sneezing and coughing and stop his eyes from running like leaky faucets.” He went back to Doc who told him “It must be that mangy mutt of yers then.”

            “Gosh, Bucky sleeps at the foot of da bed and keeps my feet warm in da winter. He keeps me company at night when I’m watching the tube. I can’t get rid of my best friend!”

            Old Doc suggested that he better take some shots to help him get immune to the dog’s allergens.

            Earl agreed to do this but asked if he could have the doses doubled or tripled. Doc reluctantly agreed just to appease Earl.

            His old friend Bernie thought taking the shots was a good idea. “After all, a man’s dog is one of his best friends,” Bernie said as he fondly day dreamed about his trusted friend, Rex, who had put up with him longer than his two ex wives.

            At first, Bernie saw no benefits to these shots Earl had to get 2-3 times a week. “Geez, Earl, yer nose is still swollen up as big as an apple! Are ya sure those shots Doc gave ya are workin’?”

            “A little patience, my friend. Has Doc ever steered us wrong? Ok, forget about the time he thought you was pregnant. Everyone makes mistakes once in a while.”

            Pretty soon the shots began working. Earl was only sneezing a couple of times a day. But then something peculiar started happening.

            Bernie sat down at his favorite bar stool at the Bear Butt Inn. “Where’s man’s best friend?” Ralph Ruskin jeered at Bernie.

            “I seen him chasin’ two pickups and a Honda down da street da other day!” another bar mate chimed in.

            Bernie just looked down into his suds and thought to himself “Earl has been actin’ a little odd lately. Like when I took him ta meet my cousin and he licked his hand. But he’s been under a lot of stress these past few weeks, what with da threat of losin’ old Bucky and all.” Just as Bernie was about to come to his friend’s defense, Earl walked into the bar.

            “Hey fellas. How’s it goin’?” Earl sat down and ordered a draft. He lapped the beer up with his tongue. Then he reached up with his foot and scratched behind his ear. Everyone stared in disbelief as Earl stood up and started to sniff Irv’s behind. “Glad to know you’re healthy, Irv.”

            Irv jumped up from his bar stool and drew his arm back to hit Earl. But Bernie grabbed his friend by the scruff of his neck and dragged him off the stool. Earl began to howl.

            “Come on Earl, let’s get outta here before ya get us kicked out!” Bernie threw some money on the bar and pulled Earl through the door. “I don’t care how late it is. We’re goin’ ta see Doc!” Earl just barked in reply.

            Well, old Doc reduced Earl’s shots to a lower dosage and pretty soon Earl was back to normal (for Earl that is). Eventually his allergies disappeared completely and he was able to keep Bucky in his life.

            “Ya know one thing I’ve learned from all of this, Bernie?” Earl said as they were walking through the woods in search of squirrels.

            “What’s dat old buddy?”

            “It’s a dog’s life fer sure!”

           

 Brunner, S. (2016). Lake Superior in the Moonlight. Michigan: Freedom Eagles Press.