Celebrating the 4th of July in Munising

Celebrating the 4^th of July in Munising

By Sharon Brunner

Waking from a deep, restful slumber,

bogs of fog wove through the mist.

Bugs swatted, leaving behind slimy matter.

Smell of bacon wafted from the campsites.

Children laughing, playing with toys,

riding bicycles and pulling wagons . 

Trailers pulled by diesel engines.

Clowns telling jokes, freely bantering.

Skin tan from the summer sun.

Assemble to watch war heroes marching.

School bands playing loudly for their audience,

ignoring the sweat gathering on their brows.

Stoic statues stand picturesque in the park.

Masses file through crowded streets,

to go to summer parties, paid by the reap

of this year’s earnings.

Is it sane to bane, what a sham, or is it?

A row of vendors selling their wares,

musicians citing words from favored songs.  

Uncle Don’s delicious homemade pies.

Aunt Donna said it’s time to grill,

Potato salad, beans, bratwurst, and hot dogs.

Cousins pat and form the burgers.

Corn on the cob, wrapped in foil.

Feeling like fatted hogs, eating heartily. 

Sitting around with family, memories cherished.

Find the core, turn the page, dear ones caring.

Laid on the grassy knoll, staring upward intently.

Brightly colored fireworks, smoke lingers.

It’s time to quit and call it a day.

Before retiring, enjoyed Diary Queen treats.

Another 4^th of July celebrated in the beautiful

town of Munising.

 

Challenge: to write a poem and/or short story from the words  our

teams came up with during the Word Up Game on Dec. 14^th, 2010.

Sane      deep     tan         smokes                stoic       wagon  wove

Paid       joke       reap       or            page      care       hale       foil

Laid        bogs      ob           banter  core       toy         node

Cove      roar        maim     form      of            pie          hogs      said

Bane      sham     quit        lox          bugs      slimy      cite

 

Family Dynamics

                A family is an actual natural social system.  A family consists of various properties such as an evolved set of rules, assigned and ascribed roles for each of its members.  These systems have developed elaborate overt and covert means of communicating. Families are frothed with many different beliefs and happenstance.  The statement “Why can’t we just get along?” permeates many families.  Families often represent a love/hate relationship.  There are so many various things to consider when thinking about families from birth order to rivalries.  Parents are supposed to raise their children to become independent of them, not dependent.  Three parenting styles depict the various forms of leadership and guidance: authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive.  Many parents are either too permissive or too authoritarian.  Some households are more violent than others.  Great efforts are applied to maintain the integrity of the family structure.  The relationship between members of this subculture is complicated and multilayered. 

                Many households today are plagued with many layers of dysfunction from unemployment to substance abuse.  Children often view themselves as a part of these infrastructures and are oftentimes estranged from these compositions. Breaking apart from these units occurs predominantly throughout a teen’s life.  However, individuals residing in these social systems are associated to one another by  sustainable, and reciprocal emotional attachments and loyalties that may fluctuate in intensity over time but will persist over the lifetime of the family. 

                Various forms of parenting can either make or break the children being raised in these systems. Parents who practice the authoritarian parenting style stagnates a child’s creative expression and represses their independence.  Native American children who were raised in the Indian Boarding Schools were subjected to extremely harsh treatment and deprivation.  The food that was provided to these children was often less than adequate to meet their nutritional needs, often spoiled. They were not afforded the proper nurturance.  These unfortunate children were abused physically, emotionally and often they were sexually abused.  Parents and caregivers who practice this form of parenting often believe that children must obey them for the sake of their presumed authority.  Oftentimes, the person in authority follows the tenet of “do as I say” and “not as I do.”  The child’s only voice is this domineering person’s voice which can cause despair with the child and can lead to feelings of hopelessness and depression with no chance of a happy future. 

                Children may question their own identity and become anxious, fearful and timid under this tyranny.  This form of parenting will extend outside of their family and they will become complacent and fall easily under the influence of their peers.  They will also become victims of controlling individuals.   These children may become underachievers, not knowing what to strive for.  They allow life just to happen around them.  The opposite can also prove to the true for these children and they will become overachievers.

                An overachiever was often bred from overly judgmental parents and their feelings of inadequacy .  The rule about being successful was intricately defined.  I had a father who would view my report card with all A’s and one B and he would say “why couldn’t your grades be all A’s.” He was extremely critical about pretty much everything.  How did that form of parenting make me into the adult I am today, it made me become an overachiever, one who is trying to constantly fill my void of being inadequate.  Still fighting that battle.  Some parents afford their children very little to no guidance and let them do pretty much whatever they want to do.

                Permissive parenting is another downfall for many parents.  As stated earlier, many households today are either over managed or under managed.  I know of a household in which the mother is constantly gone to meetings, she attends at least six meetings a week along with working 30 to 35 hours per week.  When does she spend quality time with her family?  Many parents do not want to be burdened with their children especially when they get older, their teen years.  So they let their children go wherever they want with whomever they want.  Traditional Native American families practiced what could be considered permissive parenting; however, it was quite the opposite.  All of the adults in the traditional Native American village were responsible for the children.  They were guided by many adults and watched over.  Today you see many teenagers hanging out on street corners.  What happened to the family thread that is supposed to hold these families together? 

                Authoritative parenting provides us with the answer to the parenting woes.  We need to talk with our children and them a say, give them a chance to make mistakes, guide them without the use of punitive methods such as yelling, and accept them for who they are, with their faults, strengths and everything else that makes them, them.  We need to be aware of their strengths and interests and nurture these abilities.  Two biological sisters can be as different as two strangers you meet at Walmart.  All children need to be treated like they are unique beings, separate individuals.  The difference was like night and day when it came to my one sister and I.  My other sister and I have more in common.  The genetic pool is large when conception occurs.  My parents treated me and the former sister like we were alike and being one year and two weeks older than her, we were dressed alike.  How appalling and that did not encourage our individuality.  Many pairs of twins are dressed alike.  Again, children need to be respected and be given a chance to work out the difficulties they face on a day to day basis in a way that honors their intelligence.  The authoritative parenting style affords opportunities to treat all situations a child faces as a means for positive growth. 

                Family units may contain various forms of alliances.  There may be triads and dyads and there may be a family member who appears to not be a part of the family dynamics.  An example of a triad may be a mother and her two children with the father being the outsider.  An example of a dyad may be a mother and her daughter with the son left out.  I am familiar with a family in which the mother only does enjoyable things with the daughter and will not participate with her husband with any of his outside interests.  I see many mothers in particular who make their children their world and the husband is left out. 

                Different roles exists within families.  There is the caretaker role in which one or more children are placed in charge of their parents’ feelings and emotions.  Remember when mothers use to say “you are going to be the death of me.”  What a lot of responsibility to place on a child.  What happens if the mother is sick a lot?  Does the child feel responsible?  Caretakers are also placed in the role of being responsible for their younger siblings.  I can certainly relate to this phenomenon because I was the oldest child of four.  Other roles also serve to keep the family intact.

                Being the clown in the family brings levity to difficult situations.  We can learn to not take anything serious which we may end up not addressing the real serious situations that need our attention. 

                Families have a private image and a public image.  Many families like to keep their dysfunction a secret.  Others are chasing each other around their front yards with frying pans.  Talking about family dysfunction can bring light to some of our questions and can help us not feel alone with our misery.  Some family members are not allowing their adult children in their lives and some adult children are estranged from their parents.  All families experience some level of dysfunction.  Some family members retreat into their own personal world and identity.  The family structures within the family dynamics are considered within each society as a whole.  We are all shaped by the society and family structures in which we have encountered.