Discovering Life Satisfaction through Volunteering

            “Everyone has a purpose in life… a unique gift or 

special talent to give others.  And when we blend 

unique talent with service to others, we experience

the ecstasy and exultation of our own spirit,

which is the ultimate goal of all goals.”

Deepak Chopra

Strong, healthy communities are built by everyone doing their part to make the community successful.  At the same time we can reap the benefits derived from volunteering. Studies have shown that people who volunteer are more satisfied with their lives. Even if we are struggling with unresolved trauma, it is extremely therapeutic to help others. Volunteering removes us from getting caught up in the thoughts and actions that may be causing us grief. Most of us are busy with families and jobs; but we can take the time to make a difference. Perhaps volunteer activities can be conducted with loved ones as a way of spending time with them. When we help someone else find something to smile about, our whole world will get a little bit brighter. 

            Tips for Getting Started with Volunteering:

            First we need to ask ourselves if there is something we want to do, to learn more about and are there positive changes we want to make for our communities. We can start our preparation for volunteering by asking what we want to accomplish by exploring the following options:

·         Make improvement to our environment. This may involve garbage pick up on the streets by our homes or volunteering in scouting.

·         To meet interesting people.

·         To try something new.

·         To do something we are good at. Perhaps we are good at organizing so we can help with organizing some fundraising events.

·         To explore a type of work we may seek as a full time job at a later date.

·         To do more with our interests and hobbies. We may like to be artistic so we may volunteer to help elders or disabled individuals with art projects.

·         To see a different way of life and new places.  Perhaps we could volunteer at homeless shelter.  

The best way to begin our volunteer experience is to match our personality and interests with the volunteer activities that are available. There are a multitude of volunteer opportunities available in every community. The key is to find the activity we are capable of doing and would enjoy doing. It is also important that our commitment matches the organization’s needs. 

We need to ask ourselves the following questions:

·         What skills can we bring to the organization?

·         How much responsibility are we willing or can we take on?

·         What causes are important to us? 

·         How much time are we willing to commit?

·         Do we want to be behind the scenes or in a more visible role?

            A whole host of advantages are associated with volunteering:

·         Volunteering connects us with others and we will make new friends and contacts. One of the best known benefits of volunteering is the positive impact on the community. We meet all kinds of people and can experience a sense of belonging. It’s a two way street. It can benefit us and our family as much as the cause we are helping. Our social skills will be boosted along with an enhancement of our social and support network. We are exposed to people with similar interests, community resources, and fulfilling experiences.

·         Volunteering is good for our minds and bodies. 

o   Volunteering increases self-confidence, self-esteem and life satisfaction. When we are doing good things for others and the community, we are providing ourselves with a sense of accomplishment. We are provided with a sense of pride and identity. The better we feel about ourselves, the more we will have a positive view of our lives and what lies in our future. 

o   Volunteering can combat depression. A key negative component of depression is social isolation. With volunteering, we are in contact with others on a regular basis and it helps us develop a support system. This in turn can protect us from additional harmful stress during challenging times.

o   Volunteering may help us stay or get physically fit. Studies have demonstrated that those who volunteer have a lower mortality rate than those who do not.  Volunteering has also been shown to lessen the symptoms of chronic pain and heart disease. We need to get off the couch, away from the television and out into the world. 

o   Volunteering as a family can have a whole host of benefits. Children watch what adults do and if we are involved in the community and helping others, they may be more likely to follow in our footsteps. We can demonstrate how our efforts to help others and the community are worthwhile and makes a difference. It is a way to enact change. It is also a great way to get to know about community resources and expand our family’s connections within the community.

·         We are provided opportunities to learn or develop new skills. We may discover something we are really good at and we may develop a new skill. It is never too late to learn new skills and learning needs to be ongoing throughout our lifetime. Planning and implementing a fundraising event can develop our goal setting, budgeting, and planning skills. Supervising and training other volunteers may assist us with developing supervisory and training skills.  Painting a mural or making posters or banners to advertise community events may lead us to discover our artistic abilities. All in all, with volunteering we may enhance these important skills: problem solving; communication; teamwork; project planning; task management; and organization. 

·         Volunteering can enhance our career opportunities. All the skills mentioned above can lead to being a better employee for any organization and to top things off we will possibly get our foot in the door with specific organizations. Organizations will recognize our talents and willingness to be a part of a team and may consider us for positions within their organizations.

·         Volunteering brings fun and fulfillment to our lives. It provides us with a way to explore our interests and passions. Volunteering can afford us with opportunities to get a break from the day to day responsibilities and can give us a chance to renew or rekindle our creativity, motivation, and vision that can spill over into our personal and professional life. People with a desk job may volunteer to help maintain a hiking trail in order to give them an opportunity to get outside. 

Most of us have busy lives; but we need to do our part for our communities. The benefits of volunteering are colossal.  I have met a lot of great people because of my volunteering activities and there were so many times in which I felt my assistance has been needed. I have learned a lot also. We all have time we can spare.  By turning off the television for a few extra hours a week or other ways in which we are wasting time, we can do so much more for ourselves and our communities.  

I Will Never Forget

I never will forget the v. scene
That came upon my T.V. screen
The fire, the smoke, the cries, the screams
I will never forget.
The men, the women, dying there,
the maniacs who did not care
our own were weapons from the air!
I will never forget.
I saw the mighty towers fall,
the brave responding to the call,
Americans who stood so tall!
I will never forget.
Searching, searching everywhere!
Clutching hope, we had to dare
that we would find life lingering there,
I will never forget.
The heroes of Flight 93
conquered fear with bravery,
died for those they'd never see,
I will never forget.
"Let's Roll," became their battle cry,
now tears and questions, asking why
so many, many had to die!
I will never forget.
The lives lost at the Pentagon
because of cowards they are gone,
to honor them, we carry on,
and never will forget.
Our flag is flying everywhere,
and more lips form words of prayer,
patriot songs ring through the air,
so we will not forget.
May we have the strength to mend and heal
our broken hearts, and let us feel
a unity
and love that's real.
America! Do not forget!

By: Emma Killgbeck

Note: 9/11 was a sad day for many and we need to keep the fallen in our prayers.

Effective Communication Skills

“Early impressions are hard to eradicate from the mind,

when once wool has been dyed purple, who can

restore it to its previous whiteness?”

Saint Jerome

Our communication skills reflect who we are, what we think, judge, feel, value, honor, love, hate, fear, desire, and believe. Possessing effective communication skills will open a lot of doors for us. Our communication needs to be clear and concise. During our childhood and later in our lives we may have observed and learned how to communicate in negative, indirect or avoidant ways in order to protect ourselves and others and we may have had trouble talking about the things we saw, about our thoughts and feelings, and letting people know what we want and need.   We may find ourselves having a difficult time sharing information about ourselves with others. If they get to know the real us they won’t want to be in our company. Our inability to communicate can cause challenges in all areas of our lives including with our families, and at work. Reciprocity of positive exchange between two people has been frequently indicated as the single most important ingredient in a good relationship. Our communication skills are pertinent indicators concerning establishing and maintaining satisfactory relationships.

            Here are some communication styles to avoid:

·         Sarcasm represented by bitter comments which can make the other person feel bad.

·         Judgmental messages which include the “you” message involving communicating with the other person in an accusatory manner.

·         Using hurtful labels such as stupid and lazy.

·         Reminding the other person of things they have done in the past, especially negative things. We usually like to hear about the positive things.

·         Using negative comparisons such as comparing a person to another person. For example, “If only you could be as smart as your brother.”

·         Blaming.

·         Making threatening statements.

·         Giving unsolicited advice.

·         Provoking others to induce anger.

·         Not being genuine, saying things we think the other person wants to hear.

·         Apologizing for bothering people.

·         Trying to manipulate people to get them to do what we want them to do.

·         Talking in cynical, self-degrading, and/or hostile ways.

·         Finding it difficult to get to the point.

Examples of Healthy Communication:

·         Observations involving telling someone else what we saw, heard, read, or experienced. For example, “I had tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch” or “I like to spend time with you.”

·         Describing thoughts consisting of telling about conclusions we have drawn from things we have observed or experienced and these reports include value judgments, wishes, and needs.

·         Feelings represent our expression of emotions. They may be difficult to share because others may not want to hear about them. People’s reactions may include boredom or they may become upset. We can’t let this deter us because they will get to know us better by learning about our feelings.

·         Sharing what our needs are with others let’s others know what is important to us.  Discussing what our needs are can be difficult especially if we have been abused because we are not in the habit of asking for or getting what we need. When we need something use upfront statements such as “I need to have some time to myself.”

·         Another form of communication involves stating what we want. Our wants may be small such as wanting a pair of earrings that match a shirt or larger such as a new job. We may have difficulty differentiating between wants and needs. We may also feel like we don’t deserve to have wants. We need to drop those damaging thoughts and consider ourselves entitled to wants like anybody else. We also deserve to have fun and we deserve to want an easier life. Perhaps we want to have a more interesting life. Wants may include for example, “I want to go to the beach” or “I want to read a good book.”

Principles for Positive Communication:

·         Use “I” messages such as “I feel angry” or “I like being with you.”

·         Provide whole messages that include all the important parts of information. 

·         Ask yourself these following questions:

o   What do I need to communicate?

o   What am I afraid to say?

o   What am I observing, thinking, or wanting in this communication?

o   What is the purpose of this conversation?

o   Is the stated purpose the same as my intended purpose?

The practice of active listening:

            Listening intently to others does not just happen; it is a very important process involved in communication. Hearing a sound is an automatic response, while listening is a voluntary action. A process occurs involving the brain and allows us to become more active listeners.  The process involves four parts which are:

·         Receiving Information.

·         Focusing on the information.

·         Developing an understanding of the information.

·         Reacting to the information received.

We need to take a moment to listen to the things around us. Think of a car horn, we heard the sound of horn. It does not mean we were intently listening, it only means we were in range of the sound. If we turned down the radio, we are focusing on the sound of the horn representing the beginning of the listening process. We have to make a voluntary decision to do more than only hearing the sound. We understand what the sound is and our brain relates to the sound as something we heard before. Finally we react to what we have heard.  For example, are we expected to slow down or pull over as a reaction to the sound of the horn? 

Again, listening is the most important feature of communication. Our ability to be understood is contingent on our ability to listen. Effective listening will positively impact our personal and professional relationships. Effective listening will put us in the driver seat concerning how the information is received during a conversation. Also being an efficient listener will give us a heads up concerning some potential problems that may surface in the near or distant future. Being an effective listener will make others feel special and cared about. The other person will feel valued. Active listening will provide us with more opportunities to gain more information and make sound decisions.  

The benefits of active listening:

·         We will gain an understanding of matters at a deeper level.

·         We will have more resources which will enable us to make sound decisions.

·         We are better able to help others. When we are going through difficult times, the best way to deal with those situations is to help others. Helping others can redirect our thoughts from what we are going through to what we can do for others; thus, clearing our mind to make decisions.

·         We will obtain more of the help we need when our relationships are based on reciprocity (mutual exchanges). When we expect others to listen to us and we don’t listen to them, they are going to be less likely to be willing to help us.

·         We are able to participate in more activities and life in general because we know more.

·         We will be more capable of resolving conflicts and reducing problems. 

·         We can enhance our self-esteem.

So many of us state that we are open minded; however, most of us can only be open-minded concerning things we are comfortable with or know. It does take time and effort to become an active listener. It is impossible to listen and talk at the same time. A lot of time we are thinking about what we are going to say next while the other person is speaking. That is not active listening. Active listening requires practicing the art of being silent. To listen deeply and fully, we must train our minds to stay focused on the person who is speaking, not only on the other person’s words but also on their facial expressions and body language. This will take practice. While working on this skill, examine places in which we will be actively talking and practice being silent during these times, just listen.  

Another obstacle many of us have to overcome is jumping to conclusions or prejudging a situation before knowing all the facts associated with the situation. Let the person fully explain what he or she has to say and carefully digest what is being said.  

Here are some helpful tips:

·         Avoid jumping to conclusions.

·         Listen to what was said and what was not said. Pay attention to body language to obtain the full meaning of what is being said.

·         Do not overreact; give the speaker a chance to tell the whole story.

·         Leave our emotions and prejudices behind.

·         Most importantly, give the communicator our complete attention.

·         Stop talking unless a response is expected.

·         Listen for intent (feeling).  A person’s tone of voice can be another clue to how he or she is actually feeling.

·         Listen for content (facts).  Listen as if we have to explain what is being said to someone else. Can we summarize or paraphrase what is being said?

Most people can handle accepting praise and appreciate constructive criticism.  Few of us 

find pleasure in condemnation and harsh, vindictive criticism. It is not healthy to only be accepting of praise and ignore criticism. We can accept criticism as a helpful learning tool. If we do so, we add valuable lessons that can be learned from constructive criticism. Constructive criticism is advice that is useful, practical, and justifiable. It is criticism that is supported by facts and experience. A helpful criticism is sharing information about a resource that will make someone’s life easier such as recommending a job search program instead of relying on the local newspaper. An example of a harsh and vindictive criticism would be telling someone that they are embarrassed to be seen with him or her. There is nothing learned or gained by the latter, only harm was done. Praise and constructive criticism can serve as part of our learning process. 

In order to form healthy relationships, we need to build and maintain communication skills conducive to a mutual give and take process for every conversation. Abuse in this lifetime and historical trauma may have negatively impacted our ability to communicate appropriately. We can learn how to share our feelings, needs, and wants in a positive manner. Active listening will help us more than we can ever imagine and it permits us to be more active in our own life and the lives of those we care about. It gives us more opportunities to gather information and data that will be helpful to us. The most important reason to actively listen and enhance our communication skills is to build stronger, more productive, and more caring relationships with others. 

           

Age-Proof Your Braiin

Most of us eventually develop plagues and tangles in our rains, warning of Alzheimer’s disease. But new research says you can counteract their effects by living a life with purpose. “Someone who is focused on having meaningful experiences has about 30% less cognitive decline over 10 years,” says researcher Patricia Boyle, PhD, of Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. To join their ranks, volunteer, travel, or tutor a child. “Positive behaviors promote cognitive health as we age,” Dr. Boyle says.

Source: Prevention. September 2012 Issue.