A Dog's Best Friend

Earl woke up one morning and scratched his head. He’d been following old Doc’s orders. He cleaned his house from top to bottom. Talking to himself he said “I even cleaned da dust bunnies under the bed. God only knows how many generations I killed. The plants are gone. What else can a man do to stop sneezing and coughing and stop his eyes from running like leaky faucets.” He went back to Doc who told him “It must be that mangy mutt of yers then.”

            “Gosh, Bucky sleeps at the foot of da bed and keeps my feet warm in da winter. He keeps me company at night when I’m watching the tube. I can’t get rid of my best friend!”

            Old Doc suggested that he better take some shots to help him get immune to the dog’s allergens.

            Earl agreed to do this but asked if he could have the doses doubled or tripled. Doc reluctantly agreed just to appease Earl.

            His old friend Bernie thought taking the shots was a good idea. “After all, a man’s dog is one of his best friends,” Bernie said as he fondly day dreamed about his trusted friend, Rex, who had put up with him longer than his two ex wives.

            At first, Bernie saw no benefits to these shots Earl had to get 2-3 times a week. “Geez, Earl, yer nose is still swollen up as big as an apple! Are ya sure those shots Doc gave ya are workin’?”

            “A little patience, my friend. Has Doc ever steered us wrong? Ok, forget about the time he thought you was pregnant. Everyone makes mistakes once in a while.”

            Pretty soon the shots began working. Earl was only sneezing a couple of times a day. But then something peculiar started happening.

            Bernie sat down at his favorite bar stool at the Bear Butt Inn. “Where’s man’s best friend?” Ralph Ruskin jeered at Bernie.

            “I seen him chasin’ two pickups and a Honda down da street da other day!” another bar mate chimed in.

            Bernie just looked down into his suds and thought to himself “Earl has been actin’ a little odd lately. Like when I took him ta meet my cousin and he licked his hand. But he’s been under a lot of stress these past few weeks, what with da threat of losin’ old Bucky and all.” Just as Bernie was about to come to his friend’s defense, Earl walked into the bar.

            “Hey fellas. How’s it goin’?” Earl sat down and ordered a draft. He lapped the beer up with his tongue. Then he reached up with his foot and scratched behind his ear. Everyone stared in disbelief as Earl stood up and started to sniff Irv’s behind. “Glad to know you’re healthy, Irv.”

            Irv jumped up from his bar stool and drew his arm back to hit Earl. But Bernie grabbed his friend by the scruff of his neck and dragged him off the stool. Earl began to howl.

            “Come on Earl, let’s get outta here before ya get us kicked out!” Bernie threw some money on the bar and pulled Earl through the door. “I don’t care how late it is. We’re goin’ ta see Doc!” Earl just barked in reply.

            Well, old Doc reduced Earl’s shots to a lower dosage and pretty soon Earl was back to normal (for Earl that is). Eventually his allergies disappeared completely and he was able to keep Bucky in his life.

            “Ya know one thing I’ve learned from all of this, Bernie?” Earl said as they were walking through the woods in search of squirrels.

            “What’s dat old buddy?”

            “It’s a dog’s life fer sure!”

           

 Brunner, S. (2016). Lake Superior in the Moonlight. Michigan: Freedom Eagles Press.