An Outdated Elaborate Mating Ritual

The mating ritual I am referring to are weddings.  I attended one recently and was amazed at all the expense involved in such an event.  The bride wore white as do others who are living together.  I viewed on Facebook a wedding event that involved a son who was only a few months old, a three year old, with their mother dressed in white and her new spouse.  Is it a good idea to wait until a few children are born before tying the knot?  Is it crucial to get married for the sole purpose of procreating? What do you think?  A lot of brides are wearing white which is a symbol of purity even though they have been living together and perhaps already have children.  Is there a rule for men?  Should they have to wear white also to prove that they are pure or have the purest plans in mind for their betrothed?  I question these customs.  Granted the white overpriced dress does make most women look really nice; however what is the real message? 

I am also aware of a situation in which the parents of the bride refinanced their home to pay for their daughter’s wedding.  Another couple is so far in debt they won’t see daylight from that burden for many years and they are spending excessive amounts on their wedding.  What’s with this wedding craze in a country with such high divorce rates?  I too had a big Catholic wedding with 300 people in attendance, my first wedding. A big elaborate wedding does not insure success. I am married to my second husband and we flew off to Vegas to tie the knot. 

In the past with traditional people, the man would approach the parents of the woman he was interested in and ask for her hand.  He would present a deer or other game to the parents to prove that he could provide for his wife and future children.  If the parents approved of this mate for their daughter, the parents gave their blessings and the couple would go off by themselves to consummate their marriage. If the couple’s relationship did not work out, the wife would place the husband’s belongings outside the hut and that was the end of the relationship.  They did not have to hire expensive lawyers to divide their belongings, deal with child custody, and other legal issues. I paid over $2000. to terminate my first marriage. Weddings and divorces appear to be a big scam. 

The way the media portrays women sets up this country for high divorce rates.  Almost every time you turn on the television, there is a woman who is scantily clad or she is cleaning to advertise some cleaning product.  Do you ever see a man cleaning up after himself?  I honestly feel that there is a conspiracy between the wedding businesses, lawyers and the media. Have you priced wedding rings lately?  What is the going rate for a lawyer?

What I see often are women marrying men because of and not in spite of.  Men be weary of women who marry you because of.  In the end it will end up costing you a lot.  These women marry you because of what they think you are going to give them; children, large houses, fancy cars, etc.  They don’t marry you for you.  Most of the time what happened to end these marriages was the man finally started telling her no to some of her demands. 

In order to avoid making a mating selection mistake we need to examine what we have learned from the classrooms of our childhood. Examine these classrooms.  When I refer to classrooms, I mean our family of origin. Some of our childhood learning institutions may include manipulators, people who place the responsibility of their feelings onto their children and others around them. During these pertinent early learning experiences is when most of our learning occurs for future relationships. I often say to someone in my life, “I’m not packing for that guilt trip.”  History will repeat itself if lessons are not learned from past mistakes.

Also be aware that romantic love can be wrought with jealousy, aggression, and madness. This is the result of the ownership associated with loving someone else.  I tell my husband that I go away sometimes so I will like him more.  You can’t spend all your spare time with your spouse. Your spouse will eventually get on your nerves. You need to give each other space.  You need to have some separate interests. Remember all mates come from different backgrounds and were raised with different values.  There are going to be difficulties and struggles.  It’s a given.

My barometer when I was in the market for a second husband consisted of:  he must love children and animals, everything else can be worked out.  He does love children and animals.  He was the first man who melted me when he kissed me.  However, we both have experienced feelings of jealousy, aggression, and sometimes madness because of the love we feel for each other. 

To get back to the point, men be weary of women who want to marry you because of and everybody be aware of wedding and lawyer scams and the harmful effects of the media. Avoid being involved in a scam by making sound decisions about who you want to spend the rest of your life with.  Why do you need that expensive wedding dress, and the other elaborate wedding expenses? If you are in love, you’re in love.  Save your money for the wee ones you are going to bring into the world.  Ask your parents to help you with child expenses instead of expensive weddings. Raising children is not cheap.  If children are not your gig, go on a nice vacation.