Even if it burns
a bit low at times,
The secret of
life is to always
Keep the flame
of hope alive.
Barbara Johnson
One
of the single most critical elements preventing us from achieving happiness is
unresolved trauma. Everybody has it within themselves to become healthier:
physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. All of us have a past
and our share of challenges. No one has a perfect life; loved ones passed away,
parents divorce, loss of jobs, substance abuse issues, and unfair treatment. Change
can be exciting, satisfying, and valuable. Conversely, change can also be
frightening and complicated. Not taking risks can assist us with avoiding
additional suffering, disappointment, and fear of the unknown; however, it also
causes us to avoid learning, changing, growing, or really living life to the
fullest. Most of us are not usually adept with planning for good things to
happen in our lives. We usually plan for setbacks and disasters. With a
positive mindset and achievable goals, our goals are more likely to come to
fruition. If you have made a decision to heal from unresolved trauma, you need
to make sure you are committed to the necessary changes and pursue the tools
necessary to see your recovery to the end.
“If
you deliberately plan to be less than you are capable of being, then I want to
warn
you that you’ll be deeply unhappy the rest of your life.”
Abraham
Maslow
We
all have it within ourselves to live a life filled with meaning and satisfaction.
This book is about the ability to master your life and unlock your fullest
potential. The book you have in front of you will become one of the most
important books in your life. Of course, many authors make this claim. After
personally practicing many of the things described in this book and reaching a
life filled with fulfillment, I can safely proclaim this statement. This is a
powerful resource and the first one of its kind that I am aware of. This book
is written primarily in first person format because I believe we are all in
this together. The people who were interviewed for this book and previous
writing projects provided a lot of insight concerning what it has been like to
deal with unresolved trauma. The names of these individuals were changed to
protect their privacy. Some of the topics will be repeated throughout the book
because of the importance of the information. Be prepared to feel empowered
when unpacking your trauma baggage and transform your life from merely surviving
to thriving. Before you begin your journey of healing from unresolved trauma you
are often stuck in the victim role, a role frocked with feelings of
helplessness and no hope for a brighter tomorrow.
An
important goal when addressing historical trauma is to move from the victim
role to thriving. The terms victim
and survivor are often used
interchangeably. There are vast differences between the terms. The terms victim, survivor, and thriver
feature distinctions as follows:
Victim:
State
of helplessness
Angry
Hoping
to be rescued
Perception
of lacking choices
Self-pity
Complacent
Identities
self as a victim
In
pain and feeling numb
Experiencing
feelings of defeat
Avoidance
of feelings
Controlled
by traumatic memories
Controlled
by depression, anxiety, hatred, bitterness, revenge, and physical complaints
Has
not learned from the experience, likely to repeat trauma, and victimization
Feelings
of shame and self-dislike
Self-destructive
addictions
Survivor:
Beginning
to feel stronger
Perception
that there are resources and choices
Recognition
of personal potential to change and grow
Living
one day at a time; coping from day to day; present life is primary focus
Beginning
to heal
Living
moderately well
Suffering
begins to lessen
Neutral
about life; not depressed, but not happy
Realization
of traumatic experience(s) existing in the past.
Removed
ourselves from possible abusive situations
Thriver:
Committed
to positive growth
Planning
for the future with optimism
Active
Self-determined
Can
experience joy
Established
healthy self-esteem; and we see ourselves as valuable people
Reaching
out to others
Has
found meaning and purpose in life
Experience
positive growth as a result of the trauma.
Can
endure remaining anxiety based symptoms with relative comfort and/or acceptance
Guilty
feelings have been resolved
The perception that we have moved past the trauma and can experience life to the fullest
Generally
satisfied with life
Happiness
is an obligation which we owe to ourselves, others and the universe. Mastery of
our own personal happiness takes effort. Happiness is a state of well-being and
contentment. We may have found it easier to be sad and find fault with our
lives. We may be used to being unhappy and
as a result our unhappiness has become our norm. If we force ourselves to smile
on a daily basis, smiling will become a personal habit. Feeling grateful for
what we have is the first step to happiness and next is humility, appropriate
communication skills and a desire to control our need to obtain all our wants. The
recipe for happiness involves equal parts of being grateful plus not allowing
things to bring us down. We are in charge of our emotions. We need to seek
happiness like our life depends on it because it does.
Native
Americans have demonstrated steadfast resiliency throughout history. As a member
of a federally recognized tribe, it is the explanation I chose to use to
explain our existence. There are many factors associated with resilience:
insight into ourselves and others; open mindedness; courage; personal
discipline; integrity; a sense of humor; a high tolerance for distress; and a
practical viewpoint that grants life meaning, and hope. Those who coped best
with traumatic events were those with the insight into the emotional impact of
what they experienced and who were able to express their feelings to another
immediately following the event. Another
factor that comes into play is the person’s temperament. Also the early life
experience of trauma can contribute to our vulnerability or resistance to
stress. The impact of prolonged early trauma from childhood into adulthood is
likely to interfere with the development of resilience. Coping with complex
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) poses an extreme challenge. This disorder,
which I believe many Native Americans are inflicted with, is the crisis that can
be accompanied with an opportunity to develop new ways of coping and more
resilience.
The
core feelings associated with trauma are feeling afraid and alone. Hence, mobilizing social support systems such
as relatives, friends, and members of the community can play a major role in our
recovery. Encouraging survivors to tell our story counteracts the feeling of
isolation. It also provides an opportunity to make sense of the traumatic
experience. The more severe, complex, and chronic the PTSD symptoms are, the
more difficult these symptoms are to explain or diagnose. Correctly answering
the question “What happened?” may take a while to answer. And the question may refer to much of our childhoods,
allowing no brief answer. Our stories, depending on the complexity of the
trauma we suffered, may be difficult to reconstruct. The stages of recovery
involve establishing safety, reconstructing our story, mourning and
integration. For anyone who has suffered various forms of trauma most of their
lives, establishing a sense of safety may not be easy. A sense of safety may
not occur at the beginning of the healing journey, it may be the end result.
Most
of us were inflicted with some form of serious trauma during our lifetime and research
has demonstrated the trauma faced by our ancestors also affects us today; this
is referred to as intergenerational stress or historical trauma. In the days
before the United States and Canada were settled by Europeans, there were no
political boundaries. Many of the tribes consisted of nomadic hunters and
gatherers. Weather and the availability of food sources played a role in
deciding where the Anishanaabeg (original people) would live. I will also use the name Indian for this
population because it has been determined to be a noble name. What was known as
the Indies today was known as Hindustan in 1492. The word “Indian” came
from Columbus’ description of the people he found. He was an Italian who
did not speak or write Spanish very well, so in his written accounts he called
the Indians, “Una gente in Dios,” a people in God. Again, it is my
opinion the given name of Indian is perfectly noble and respectable.
For
hundreds of years Indian people have been subjected to harsh acts of
discrimination, which I have to regretfully acknowledge is still occurring
today. Keep in mind; phrases such as “Drunken Indians” are still being used. The
children at the boarding schools were told their form of spirituality was
barbaric, savage, and they were told they were less than human by people who
shoved Christianity down their throats while they were sexually, emotionally,
and physically abusing them. The batterers told the battered they were
undeserving of respect. This book clearly describes what historical trauma is
and what can be done to address the damage caused by the ravages of this form
of chronic abuse.
Much
was lost and destroyed during the cultural disruption of Native American people
throughout the history of Euro-Americans settling in this country. As much as
we want to blame the Euro-Americans for all our problems, we need to realize
everybody suffered. Even though there
has been a lot of destruction to our feelings of self-worth for centuries, we
all have it within ourselves to live a life filled with contentment. It would
behoove us as a nation to work together to address the problems we are facing
by providing support for one another and by rebuilding our communities.
I
suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as a result of chronic
abuse. It was like I was walking on a
battlefield during war time. Being out of the war zone is like breathing fresh
air for the first time. My dream is to release other Native American people from
their shame and anxiety induced prisons. The first order of business is to gain
an understanding about what has been done to us for centuries and how that
abuse has scarred our well-being often beyond recognition. Many of us have been
in pain for so long it is difficult to even imagine life without it. Feelings
of powerlessness and hopelessness have gotten in the way of our ability of
doing our very best as a result of unresolved trauma.
Instead
of feeling as if you are serving on the front lines of a horrific battle, you
will feel as if you are walking through a quiet meadow. Colors will become more
vibrant and you will feel like the world around you is a friendlier place, one
in which we can flourish. The new skills developed during the healing process
will give you the personal power to heal. Living a life filled with meaning involves developing your fullest
potential and saying no to things that have caused harm to you and things that
may cause you harm. You owe it to yourself and the other important people in
your life to be physically, spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually
healthy.
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