Da Big Foot Adventure

 

“I’ve paid complete attention to your

story and drawn my own confusions.”

-Joel Goodman

 

Everybody knows when you spend enough time in the woods in the U.P. you are going run into the monster called “Big Foot.” His footprints have been spotted in places like the Mystery Spot and around the Hulbert area. The hunters fear him but at the same time want to run into him. Assuming it’s a him. Considering the size of the two-legged creature of wonder, it must be a male. Many a hunter was told if they hear the howl of something they never heard before, more than likely that’s big foot. Big Foot has not been known to hurt anyone and many have wondered what he finds to eat in the vast woods of the U.P. Is it small game like rabbits and squirrels? Who knows? Earl and Bernie have their own story about the time they thought they ran into the hairy beast.

    One day during the early fall, Bernie and Earl decided to go bird hunting. They’ve been thinking that a partridge dinner would be nice. They thought it would be nice to sink their teeth into the juicy breast of the partridge. Partridge ran rampant all over the U.P. and are known to be a delicacy.

    Irene and Bertha sent them on their way with a sack full of cookies and beef jerky. They cooked up a large thermos of hot chocolate. After the almost fatal mishap of the hunting excursion the last hunting season, both Earl and Bernie decided to only hunt when they are sober. Earl almost shot Bernie in the rump when he was bending down to pick up the jerky he dropped. The buckshot only missed Bernie by a few inches. Bernie clutched his heart like Sampson did on “Sampson and Son” to demonstrate how scared he was to be almost shot. Earl was beside himself. The close call was too much to ignore.

    They tracked through the woods, looking for partridge.  The leaves were making a crunching sound under their boots. A large hawk circled above the two hunters. They looked up and saw squirrels running back and forth from tree to tree.

    “I love this time of year. It’s my favorite,” said Bernie.

    “I do, too. What do you think about shooting us some squirrels, so we don’t return home empty handed,” said Earl.

    “No, let’s leave da squirrels alone. Squirrels remind me of my Pa and how poor we were dat we were forced to eat squirrels when I was knee high to a grasshopper. I don’t want to be reminded of dat time. I was happy and sad at da same time,” said Bernie.

    “Yeah, I can remember a couple of times when we was out of food when I was a child. Let’s keep looking.”

    Just then a partridge sprung from the bushes. Earl had his gun cocked and ready and he shot at the partridge. To his amazement, the bird went down. Earl took some shooting lessons from Irene who happened to be a better shot then him. Irene’s Pa decided his daughter needed to learn how to shoot a gun so she could put food on the table if she needed to do so. Earl and Bernie high fived and continued looking for more game.

    They saw a couple of rabbits off in the distance. “Should we trust our luck,” said Bernie.

    Bernie aimed and fired. The rabbits scattered. Bernie was a better shot because Irene gave him lessons, also. Bernie was disappointed that he missed the rabbit.

    “Better luck next time, buddy,” said Earl as he patted Bernie on the back.

    They started walking towards where they saw the rabbits. They heard the most ungodly sound. The loud sound was between the howl of a wolf and the scream of a woman. The hair on the back of their necks stood on end. They hid behind a clump of trees and peered around to see if they could see what made the sound.

    “Do ya think dat was Big Foot,” asked Bernie trembling.

    “I don’t know. It could be,” replied Earl.

    They started walking back to their car. Calling it a day was in order. Dusk was going to fall soon, and they couldn’t afford to be trapped in the woods with the big scary creature.

    Just then, they heard the trampling of a lot of leaves and twigs behind them.

    They ran to a clump of trees to hide.

    They peered around one of the trees and saw Big Foot. He looked like he was over eight feet tall, had long scraggly dirty white fur and long arms and legs. He seemed to be looking right at them.

     “I think I just wet my pants, Bernie,” Earl whispered.

     “I think I did, too,” replied Bernie.

     Big Foot was carrying a rabbit and it appeared to be bloody.

    “I wonder if I shot da rabbit I was aiming at,” said Bernie.

    “I think ya did.”

    Big Foot seemed to be holding up the rabbit to show them his prize. It almost looked like he was thanking the two hunters.

    “Do you see what I see?” asked Earl.

    “I think he is thanking us for the meal,” replied Bernie.

    “I wish I had a camera. Nobody is going to believe us,” said Earl.

    “Let’s call it a day and head back home,” said Bernie.

    “I’m with ya on dat note,” replied Earl.

 

    After a few Old Milwaukees at the Bear Butt Inn, Earl and Bernie decided to tell their Big Foot story. At first no one believed them. They have been known to spin a couple of wild stories.

    “I would bet my tool shed dat we saw Big Foot,” said Earl.

    Everyone knew that Earl was very proud of his tool shed and he wouldn’t do anything to lose his pride and joy.

    “Okay, we believe ya, buddy,” said Jerome, a buddy and cousin to Bernie and Earl.

    “Where abouts did youse see da two-legged monster?” asked Jerome.

    “Youse know where da junction is behind the old army barracks on route 99. Dat’s was where we saw Big Foot,” said Bernie.

    Jerome got a funny look on his face and his hands got a little shaky.

    “What’s up buddy?” asked Bernie.

    “I saw big foot tracks around there when I was hunting rabbits. I decided to tell myself dat someone was just wearing big boots and stayed there almost until sunset. I actually fell asleep for a while. Dat monster could have eaten me alive,” replied Jerome.

    “Should we get together a pose’ to hunt da two-legged monster.

    “I think we should see if we can find him, but I don’t think we should shoot him,” said Earl.

    “Why’s dat?” asked Jerome.

    “He didn’t kill ya dat day and he didn’t go after us. I think he is not a danger ta humans, only small game,” replied Earl.

 

    The next day was a Sunday. All the men from the Bear Butt the night before decided to feign belly aches and possible food poisoning to get out of going to church. Their wives were perturbed with them but let them stay home. They all met at the Bear Butt Inn and rode in Bernie’s two-seater.

    They tramped all over the woods behind da old army barracks. They didn’t see any sign of da hairy wonder.

    “I guess we can call it a bust,” said Bernie.

    “I guess so,” replied Jerome.

 

    That night around the campfire at Bernie’s there was talk about Big Foot. Bertha mentioned that she and Irene saw some big footprints by the berry patches near Bush Corners. That got the men’s attention.

    “Do ya think it’s da same Big Foot,” asked Irene.

    “I don’t know. How far is Bush Corners from the Army base?” asked Bernie.

    “I think it is only a couple of miles, so it is possible it is da same Big Foot,” replied Jerome.

 

    Time passed and everybody began to forget about the sighting of Big Foot.

    Irene was hanging clothes on the clothesline. She walked over to the tool shed to get her trimming sheers to trim some of the small trees in the yard. She stepped in a big hole and almost twisted her ankle. Irene looked down and saw a huge footprint. There were several footprints leading to and from the woods behind their homestead.

    All the townsfolk had to see the footprints. Word gets out fast in small towns. Earl wanted to make a cement cast out of one of the footprints and Irene told him to wait until someone who knew what they were doing looked at the print.

    A guy named Gus Worthers, who wrote about Big Foots and other scary U.P. monsters, was contacted and he was more than happy to come and look at the print. He had to travel all the way from the area by Marquette, Michigan.

    Gus arrived the next day and he was anxious to see what all the fuss was all about. Gus circled the footprints for a couple of minutes and scratched his chin.

    “I don’t know about this print. It looks a little suspicious to me,” said Gus.

    Earl spied Gertie and Shirley Joe hiding behind the bushes.

    “Come out girls. We want to talk to youse,” demanded Earl.

    They walked sheepishly over to the group of adults.

    “Do you know anything about these footprints?” asked Earl.

    “We tried to tell youse da other night dat we made da prints, but youse chased us off. Before we knew it, da news spread like wildfire and we didn’t have da guts to fess up to our deed,” said Gertie.

    Earl was red in the face. Bernie was furious. Gus was frustrated because he traveled all that way to look at footprints.

    “Can we get ya a beer, Gus,” said a humble Earl.

    “Yes, don’t mind if I do,” replied Gus.

    Bernie made a fire in Earl’s fire pit and the crowd that wanted to see the footprints stayed to chat with Gus. They wanted to pick his brains about all his sightings of Big Foot and his other adventures that was in his book.

    Gus decided to tell them about one of his scariest adventures with a Big Foot near the Marquette area. “One night I decided to go camping deep into the woods near one of the brooks north of Marquette. I was feeling really proud of myself that I saw a wolf, a fox and an eagle that day. I was tired from all my hiking and decided to collapse under the stars with my dog Ralph. The night was perfect. It was warm, about 70 degrees and there were a lot of stars. The sky was clear. I was sound asleep and then this horrible howl rang through the air. I was jolted out of a sound sleep. Ralph was on guard sitting at attention next to me, growling.  I reached over and grabbed my revolver and made sure it was cocked. I could see pretty well because it was a full-moon and my campfire was still going. There he was, he was only a few yards from me. He stood as still as a statue staring at me. Ralph continued growling and   whimpered at the same time. I could smell him. It was a strong musty smell. I stood up as carefully as I could. I didn’t want to make any sudden movements. He remained where he was and continued to stare at me. It was really creepy. I walked backwards to keep an eye on him. I  reached my jeep and got inside with Ralph. Then he decided to approach my car. Fortunately, my car started right away, and I was off like a flash. He followed my car for a while until I reached the main road. Then he was gone. I could hear my heartbeat.”

    Everyone around the campfire was staring at Gus and their eyes were wide with awe. Their mouths were open a bit and they sat rigidly staring at Gus.

    Gus stayed the night at Bernie’s homestead and slept on his couch. He ended up not being too upset with the girls.

    Late that evening, there was a howl, one that sounded like a wolf and a woman screaming loudly off in the woods behind Earl’s homestead. The townsfolk had goose bumps up and down their backs. Gus and the rest of the guys went hunting again for the mysterious Big Foot the next day.

 

Big Foot ?