Establishing Healthy Relationships

 

“Help thy brother’s boat across and lo!

Thine own has reached the shore.”

Hindu proverb

                                                                

Establishing healthy relationships is the key to happiness. Being in a supportive and loving relationship is probably the strongest psychological predictor to establishing overall wellness. When we are asked, “What gives meaning to our lives?” our friendships and other significant others are probably at the top of our list. The human brain is wired for us to be social beings. People need other people. We are able to store in our memory banks of a large number of facial images and we can retrieve these images from memory at a moment’s notice because of our need to be with others. Healthy relationships can provide us with a treasure trove of possibilities such as security, empathy, creativity, optimism, love, respect, maturity, generosity and flexibility (Chaffee, 1998).

    We may be experiencing thoughts which prevent us from having healthy relationships such as feeling obligated to do certain things with significant others, family members, and other people in our lives. We can change our thoughts to “I am looking forward to spending time with my family.” Relationships don’t just happen, they are built on mutual respect, genuine efforts and mutual understanding. Their development is something that is learned and practiced. We need to think of relationships as an investment (Lewis, 2004).

    When dealing with unresolved trauma, we may have had trouble facing the future with the anticipation of positive outcomes. It is important to change our outlook on life in order to make the life changes necessary to establish healthy relationships.

   The transition from just being acquaintances to friendship is characterized by the increase of self-disclosure. In the early stages of any relationship, self-disclosure tends to be a more gradual and reciprocal process. Letting people know about things that are very personal to us takes courage for most of us. Reciprocity is the key and if you or your possible friend is not willing to share your deepest, darkest secrets, more than likely the relationship will not last long. Or the relationship will feel like something is missing and will quickly lose its luster.

    Once the relationship is established through mutual self-disclosure, the glue that binds two people together is intimacy. Emotional expressiveness and unconditional support along with acceptance, loyalty, and trust are key ingredients for a solid and satisfactory relationship. Skills such as learning how to listen as well as responding appropriately to the news being shared are paramount. We need to listen as well as share.  

    Ingredients for a healthy relationship are: 

·         Mutual respect.

·         Forgiveness.

·         Honest Communication.

·         Empathy.

·         Shared responsibilities.

·         Trust and support.

·         Effort and Commitment.

·         Making decisions together.

·         Respecting each other’s boundaries.

·         Avoid competing with one another.

·         Avoiding stereotypes

·         Focusing on each other as individuals. Respecting each other’s strengths and abilities. 

·         Being assertive can help relationships, which means stating our needs and wants without attacking, blaming or making excuses.

·         Independence is a very important factor and both friends can find enjoyment with spending time with each other; but at the same time maintain separate identities.

·         Being willing to admit our mistakes and shortcomings.

·         Generosity is another necessary component when maintaining a healthy relationship. In a healthy relationship, we can give another person something or do a good deed for a person and not expect something in return for our generosity.

·         Have a common vision. We both have an idea of what the relationship means and where we would like it to go (Lewis, 2004).  

    Friendships and spousal connections are like a dose of good medicine, someone who will stick by our side through the good and bad times. A loving and supportive relationship to a spouse is one of the most important of all relationships. Marriage has been noted as a better predictor of happiness than having money or children. Friendships cannot be minimized due to their importance. Most young people who say they have a good relationship with their parents are usually happier with life in general.

    If we are having difficulty sustaining healthy relationships, one of the biggest roadblocks may be not taking the time or making the effort to make healthy and supportive connections. We can easily get caught up in our own lives, our jobs, our routines, and before we know it, we are spending less and less time with friends, family, and our spouse or significant other. We can and need to take the time to spend quality time with our friends and family to secure our connection. We need to pay attention to how much time we waste doing things that don’t enhance our lives such as watching too much television (Lewis, 2004). 

    Healthy relationships take commitment and the desire to maintain a connection to others. Having a wholesome relationship is a choice between two individuals. We need to allow enough time in our lives for each other and don’t place blame on the other person if things are not working out. It takes two to fight and it also takes two to make things work. Communicate with one another and make plans to spend time together. A lot of time is wasted when there are disagreements due to misunderstandings. We are responsible for our own feelings, and we can portray what our feelings are in a productive, non-hurtful manner. The value of a strong, supportive and caring relationship is priceless.